Liverpool Winger/Left Back

2007-04-05T07:43:00.000-07:00

My com got fuxin screwed a few days ago so i have to use the old one. The old one had the numlock jammed and some of th buttons werent working so it was terribly frustrating but somehow its righted itself now.

I just love playing football. When i receive the ball and try to look for options, its a challenge to thread a perfectly-weighted pass. I get a tremendous buzz when dribbling past people. its like a duel when you face off directly, a duel of wits, anticipation, reactions and skill. I always enjoy these kinds of duels, doesn't matter if im the one defending or the one attacking. When attacking, its a test of skill, a coordination of the body with feints and fakes. Either you draw or force the defender to commit, completely fake him out, dribble such that the defender doesn't know how to react, freezing, or a mixture of the three. As a defender, the challenge is to anticipate what the attacker is thinking of, to keep your eyes on the ball, to not get suckered into committing, to be able to react appropriately and go in firmly to win the ball when the opportunity arises.

The other dribbling scenario is the less direct confrontation, where the attacker is running at pace and the defenders scramble to stop him. The attacker has the advantage of switching directions, forcing the momentum of the rnning defenders against them. He can still throw in the same feints and fakes, but doing so can sacrifice the advantage of momentum he has. Often, he only needs good close control, the ability to cut the ball away as a defender lunges desperately from the side. He constantly has options to shoot or pass, options whch he can mislead the defender into thinking that he is going to take.The defender has the handicap in this scenario, and needs all the wits, balance, speed, and agility he can muster to smother the attacker. He needs to try to force the attacker to slow down or stop, or force the attacker into an error, but these options are not always available. The defender needs to make the right decision within that split second, whether to slide to the ground and attempt to block a shot from the striker and risk the striker pulling the ball back instead.
It's all very much a mental and physical game for the defender. The attacker of course needs to have the technical ability, but as some sort of trade-off, in a direct or indirect confrontation he always holds the initiative.

I like doing both. Dribbling is more fun, because it allows me to decide what to do and express myself, to combine my creativity, anticipation and skill to get past defender. when people foul me, i don't feel anger rising in me. Instead, i get the satisfaction that they had to use unfair means to stop me, the satisfaction that i have come out the victor of this terribly fun duel. Defending on the other hand, is a much more secure role because i have to react to the attacker, i don't need to ensure my technical skills are up to par, and i can focus solely on denying the attacker from getting past me. I seem to leave free space on one side that the dribbler can push the ball and sprint into, but its actually a trap i placed and im already half-anticipating that move, so i'm always half a metre in front. The satisfaction is in denying and frustrating the attacker, winning possession back for the team.

Anyway, when people talk about talent in football, i think its not so simple as that. There's physical talent, a person's innate body figure thats suited for speed and height. There's technical talent, probably meaning a person can learn and pick up ball skills quickly. Then there's mental aspect, the ability to anticipate and read the game. I think i have lots of mental talent, and quite a bit of technical talent. Physically, im not extremely fast but I think i have enough speed to cope with most situations, and my height is about average.

Actually, i think technical and mental talent are closely linked to IQ, but other mental attrbutes such as determination and teamwork are obviously not. A lot of areas in football can be drastically improved through hardwork, and that's where the beauty of football lies. It's an intricate, elegant mix of your different talents, your mindsets of determination, focus, teamwork, etc, and your physical abilities. If you can't anticipate and read the game well, you can always make it up with mproving your speed and tackling. If you're less technically gifted, you still can achieve the same standards simply by putting in more practice than the technically gifted ones. If you're slow, you can make it up by reading the game well, intercepting the passes instead of chasing down the people that the passes were meant for.

It's all so dynamic, so beautiful

2007-03-29T09:53:00.000-07:00

HAHAH lucid dreaming is so cool.

Often the things that appear in it seem weird and out of place.

Today my dreams joked with me.

I was dreaming about putting a coin in this vending machine, hearing the rattling sound, then looking down to see all sorts of snacks and goodies + 2 free cans of chrysanthemun tea. Then this guy tapped me on the shoulder and said it was his, so i helped him take all the goodies out. There were still some left, but he said those were for me, so i picked up a nearby chicken drumstick and started eating it. I could actually taste it a bit, and then i suddenly realised i was dreaming, so i tried harder to taste it. There was a taste to it, but it wasn't very strong.

Then i felt the dream fading and quickly applied the "spinning" technique. I spun myself into the tv news programme of channel U and then i saw the news was reporting that their newscaster was missing...gg hehe!

doublepwn!

2007-03-26T06:59:00.000-07:00

It's getting quite annoying, now that blogger merged with google and i have to friggin login everytime i want to blog even though i ticked the "remember me"

Then i think i may want to switch to livejournal hmm.

I just realised this social conditioning thats inherent in the world is the root of all decadence!
If Sg wants more leaders in the fields, they ought to place a lot more emphasis on developing moral character and going for your passion, trusting your own abilities. Basically personal development. That way, we can cut out the boring crap early, focus on what we really want to do, which leads to no bother for anyone because we will do it ourselves

Also, we get to lead real lives. I think everyone's too fucking afraid to do this, to do that. They talk about being "realistic", but in truth they are talking about remaining seated in a safe and secure 9-to-5 routine job where they risk nothing to gain nothing. And its not their fault, its society's fault. Inherently though, the inclination to follow the crowd, the herd mentality within us, also plays a part.

All these years of social conditioning have led to a stiff wall, a resistance to our ideals. What we need to do is to gain the courage to oppose this social conditioning and slowly but surely, weaken this resistance. It will keep coming back, it will keep affirming itself, but as long as you stick toyour courage, it will eventually fade away.

For me, i can feel the dreaded social conditioning dissipating but its still there. I need people around me to have the same beliefs as me to keep reinforcing what i want to keep. Last year, when i hear my classmates talking about what "department" they want to be in life, i thought that was a perfectly fine discussion. Now i just feel sick and disgusted by it, sick that they seem to be talking about working for a living, living for the sake of living.

Oh and we should all learn the art of patience. I got quite frustrated at the lack of results over some of my intention-manifestations as well as lucid dreaming attempts, but i pondered over it and realised i didn't become the footballer i am by reading football books and practicing for 2 weeks. I built it up gradually through playing. My left foot didn't improve overnight, i practiced passing with it for hours and hours, before i built it to my satisfaction in terms of passing My shooting technique is still quite horrific, even for my right foot, but i know i can use practice to push it up to fierce levels.

in fact, i was quite irritated at the seeming lack of improvement in my left foot, until one day when i realised i was quite comfortable with using it, and quite accurate too (:

Today was not a good day of football play because i forgot to relax and clear my mind before playing. Siquan was kind of off-form i think, i wasn't playing well, and it was just frustrating trying to find a pass to play when your teamates aren't moving into space. I felt very frustrated and annoyed by siquan, although it probably is no fault of his.

In my view, i kept seeing him chase down loose balls which ought to have been his but somehow, when he got near the ball he relaxed, allowing the opposition to gain control of it or nick it away into another position. It just reeked of very poor determination or something. Then there were other times where he had possession of the ball and ought to have kept it, but gave it away or took too much time giving it to the keeper, but thats possibly me trying to find fault with him.

Then he talked about ripping off the keeper i already got to my team in place of harry which is quite horribly mean. Then when we got a hcis player to help us play keeper, when the keeper asked if he could try his hand at playing outfield, i think i heard him saying something rather rude and mean, meaning to turn him down. I didn't hear clearly though, so its likely he was joking.

but of course, i could be completely wrong and just pushing my frustration on him. I was frustrated at my team, at myself, at what was going on. But when i got home i trained for an hour focusing on dribbling and felt quiite satisfied because i felt an improvement in my hocuspocus and the switchcut move.

mm We must raise our moral standards!

2007-03-22T07:10:00.000-07:00

WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK LIFE IS SO HOPELESS!?

It's good to think about your future, its crazy to care so much about money. Guys, why don't you trust yourselves? Why buy into all the social conditioning crap that people have thrown into you. Who says you HAVE to work for someone. Who says that what you love to do won't earn you a living?

Why is it so implausible to people, that they can earn more than enough to live comfortably, and at the same time enjoy what they are doing? Who says philosophy can't earn money? Who says finance is the only way to go? I hear people talking about what they're going to do in the future- what will give em money. They think too much about money. Money matters, but look, if you don't enjoy your work, you won't find the inspiration to do good work, and if you don't do good work, you won't get your money. If you enjoy it, you do good work, you get good money. Simple logic?

"We're being realistic." Hmm, so how much of "reality" do you know? If you don't try doing what you want, don't try pursuing what you like, how do you know it won't work? All your perceptions of "reality" are SOLELY the social conditioning people have put into you. You haven't experienced a semblance of what the "corporate world" is like. Your parents only have that tiny bit of experience, the small slice of working experience as either an accountant, taxi-driver, footballer, whatever.

What's reality? Who says you can't enjoy your work and earn good money? People. People are conditioned to think they can't have the best of both worlds. People spread this negative influence around. More people pick it up. Have you ever questioned what "reality" really is? Don't you realise, the obvious route, is not always the correct one?

Why do so many people border being contented and slightly unhappy about their lives? They took the obvious route and that's where it brought em. Doesn't that prove that the route is OBVIOUSLY flawed? Do you believe you're only good enough for "something"? If you do, all the effort you put in will naturally only be "good enough" for that "something". Makes sense?

You think you can't do it. Therefore you never try. Therefore you never know. You go for the safe, secure option, the one everyone takes. Are you sure its safe? Are you sure its secure? The economy isn't that predictable. You could be retrenched once a financial crisis hits anywhere. Let's say an unexpected disaster hits a crucial industry of the US, predictably economies will crash. Your boss hates you, he fires you over nuffin. The cost of living rises tremendously, your job doesn't pay enough, but you can't quit it. You fall down, break your arm, can't go for work yet your boss says "work, or fire, or retire"

Jobs are safe and secure!?!?

What are the odds of that happening? Probably the odds of hurricane katrina hitting new orleans, the odds of you meeting someone you disagree with and is he a higher authority than you, the odds of the standard of living rising rapidly, the odds of you getting a mid-serious accident. Individually, the odds ain't too bad. THEN ADD EM TOGETHER .

And even IF you did manage to avoid it, what would your life have been? Average? Mediocre? Do you want to die like that? Have you made a difference? I hear you saying you want to make a difference, but you ...can't.

There we go, you say you can't but you don't even know what can't you do.

If you are convinced somewhat, im happy i've done this much. You will keep doubting what i said probably, but just remember the question "what do i want to be like when i'm dead?". My variation of the question is "do you want to regret at 35 years old?". See what works for you, put it to memory, and whenever the doubts come out, run yourself through the question.

Life is all about risks. You win some, you lose some. But the more you try, the more your chances of winning.

2007-03-21T07:42:00.000-07:00

Sigh even though i tell myself not to worry, im still adjusting and getting better, but i suppose it would be good to spill it out here so i'd feel better anyway.

Chen confiscated the ball. He said to find him to get the ball back after the end of the session. I couldn't find him. I must plan to get it back by tomorrow. I will ask to call him, make my way to the P.E. teacher's office.

That's good, i've listed all what i've done and hence, can stop worrying about what to do.

2007-03-20T07:56:00.000-07:00

Hmm, i think i can fully understand why people believe in their religions. When you believe something up there is helping you, you experience what you trust to be help, and this reinforces your belief even more. Although there maybe other passages, other ideas within the religion that your inner self might not agree, the ideas you agree on push you to believe in the "whole package".

And this is why, i think pro-religion and anti-religion arguments are not on the same wavelength as one another. A belief in christianity is strongly based on one's personal experiences that reinforces his beliefs. Logical arguments are simply "boosters" for one's faith, though if one's faith is so strong, these boosters would seem meaningless. On the other hand, a disbelief in christianity easily means you rule out any "experiences' with a possible god as something else, something that, to you, cannot be qualified as god's work. Logical arguments are meant to tear down Christian faith on the plane of logic, but cannot tear it down on the planes of experience.

However objective i'd like to be when experimenting with Christianity months ago, the point is that religion is something that isn't objective. I believe it is subjective, that if you believe in it, events will simply bolster your belief, and if you don't, it will take an extraodinary event, an incredible, completely logic-defying event to happen, to convince you. That's why i think my experiment wasn't successful in helping me determine objectively whether christianity or atheism was the "right thing". You simply couldn't do that. But its only because i even attempted the experiment that i now understand why it failed. And that's enlightening (:

The problem i see with religion is that it comes as a whole package. You take what you like, and take what you don't like. Maybe, just maybe, some part of it is right, but some other part of it is wrong. But you take it all the same. I don't like this way of doing things, but that doesn't mean its wrong though (: I don't like time management, but it sure helps a damn lot! However, due to its whole-packaged nature, it definitely restricts your limit of imagination and thinking. Just thinking about the possibility that god does not exist could possibly be viewed as a sin already.

But i think, for most people, believing in religion definitely helps them. Religion makes them dare to take risks, because God is there to back you up! It gives you belief that you CAN and WILL fight off cancer because miracle man is with you. Unfortunately, with the good comes the bad. Homosexuality is BURNNNNN, which i think isn't very fair because its no one's fault they were born to be so. Bad cause you can't marry a fricking non-christian, even if he is as enlightened as Ghandhi. But more so than not, the good overwhelms the bad.

But what if the good can be gotten in some other way? I don't believe in God, but dare to take risks, i'm able to feel that there are people there who will always help me in my times of needs. Then, the bad is simply...too bad. I find the bad about religion too bad for me. Something tells me declaring hell(literally) on people who can't control their homosexuality is wrong. Something tells me the New Testament is just a poor excuse for the Old Testament, a change that the heads of Christianity realised they had to make. Something tells me there's something wrong with creating the conscience in a person, and then judging him for the conscience he displays in his life. Something tells me i'm obviously biased against religion and simply trying to propogate my beliefs, BUT THAT MAY NOT BE WRONG (:

What a fucking chim post!

2007-03-18T09:09:00.000-07:00

Today was the Predator trial.

Before that, i was trying to get some Predator boots but there weren't any. I felt it was a waste of money to buy it, so i didn't do it. I worried of course...but i'm remembering the ways to stop worry, and it worked. I just did what i could and let fate decide (:

Weijie gave me one of his predator shoes (too small for him, he has another 2-3 pairs), so i just hoped for the best and went with wincoln. Hmm, Adidas is quite rich eh, it organised this event and gave away a lot of free stuff. The pitch was awesome, the balls were great, pheww! But, the Predator shoe i was wearing was pretty worn out, and the pitch was kind of morning-dewish wet, so it felt quite slippery. Also, it was one size too big...a problem i somewhat managed to counteract by wearing 3 layers of socks.

The slippery part...i can't do much, hopefully i can get an Adidas Predator by April 8th then i can get better grip mmm (:

The selection trial was a 5v5 on the field, i had this small, ANGMOH kid called ben daly on my team, this rather big guy called Kiran, and two other people by the name of Jun and D. I told myself not to worry, just enjoy myself (:, get some confidence into these legs of mine and i'll have a good chance of entering the next round.

I would say, i had a rather good game considering that i wasn't used to the shoe and it was quite slippery with it on. I couldn't grip and control the ball as well i would have liked, but i was happy that i was fairly confident with myself.

Defensively, i made about 3 tackles where the guy pushed the ball too close to me, i went ahead and cut it off, placing my body between him and the ball. The guy tried to get the ball back with a bit of pushing but i managed to hold him off all the same and keep possession. He didn't foul me though, i think all of his challenges were quite fair (:, though the referee didn't think so on one occasion. Then, there were another 2 tackles i made where i didn't get possession. I managed to tackle the ball but it went out of bounds so it was their ball but no one got past me (:

I made a few decent interceptions where my first touch was alright, and one block where i threw my body at the shot.

Now offensively, the not-used-to-shoe and slippery-feet gave me some problems but i managed all the same. I couldn't do my fanciful trickery, but my ball control and overall dribbling was good enough to get me by the other players. I just shifted the ball where i wanted, accelerated when i saw the space, and in the end made two impressive dribbles from my half all the way to theirs. One, i wasn't sure what happened, by the other one i managed to burst past the whole opposing team except for the keeper and a defender, i looked up and cut the ball back, away from the defender to the two strikers on my team. Meh, they fluffed the one-on-one but good tries anyways.

Then, there was a loose ball near their goal, situated for my left foot to shoot. My left foot is my weaker fooot of course, but with my training and focus, i managed to get a decent contact on the ball which the keepr saved but looked good on me too hehe. Lolllll, and once i tried to do a patrick-viera-combo-bergkamp run i saw on this bergkamp vid i have. Kiran was holding the ball and looking for options and i was on the other side of the field, so i ran a really curved run behind the defenders and kiran sent a pretty good, hard, accurate pass which was unforunately cut out.

As for my general play...not very happy with that. My passing was decent, didn't do anything special, but i did slightly mispass one ball when i wasn't looking at my pass.Why? Because i was looking at the field, then felt confident to pass without looking at the ball and so i did. Simple as that. Then there was once the-errr WE HAD A KICK IN AND THE GUY KICKED TO ME AND I WASN'T CONCENTRATING AND I LET IT SLIP PASS ME. And it was going out for a corner to the opposing side, but i chased it down all the same, slid, kicked in back to goal, executing a sort of sliding-kick back to my goal. (WHERE THE KEEPER WAS, NOT AN OWN GOAL). It was about10-20 centimetres out of play, but i think they LOVE MY DETERMINATION and let it play on all the same. I thought my sliding kick thing was really impressive though, because i'd be impressed seeing anyone have the heart and determination to do that.

Anyway, i felt i was the best player on my team, at least the player who performed the best. Nerves and all that can always get you, and kiran looks to be quite a good player but his performance wasn't that good, so i'd only say i think my performance was the best. Felt confident that i would be in the top 40, seeing as they were choosing 40 out of a 100, meaning all you'd have to do was to be above average and i was in my game.

Selection time wasn't really cool, i tried to tell myself not to think too much and get nervous, but they announcer was announcing quite a lot of names, and i think me and wincoln thought we wouldn't be in. But eventually, we were just called late, we both got in, my name was called out first, then another guy, then wincoln, CHEERS TO HIM (:.

There were some interesting stuff to note. Ben daly, the small guy, was called in at the last moment. I think he's secondary 1, though my first impression was a primary school guy, but he seems to be from united world college, and secondary 1's are quite small too. But i was wondering what the people up there felt when they saw this small guy was chosen ahead of em lollll. Me and wincoln seemed to be the younger peeps there. Oh, and there was a girl who played mmmmhhmm, she's not bad, and according to wincoln, "very good for a girl" i didn't say that kay!

OH AND IMA get a free Adidas jersey just for getting into the top 40 hehe (:
Im glad i wasn't in tunit though, wouldn't feel like i achieved anything because 40 people were supposed to be chosen and i think only 40-50 people turned up...

Yes, and i do think i can perform significantly better if i had ADIDAS PREDATOR BOOTS SO I NEED ONEEEE TO MAKE IT INTO SPAIN!

2007-03-15T08:39:00.000-07:00

HMmmmmhhh its cool how perception matters so much in your attitude to life.

I've been struggling to decide whether to buy the adidas predator or try and borrow one from my friends, but my intuition (or common sense? hmm...) has told me not to buy it but try to borrow. If i can't borrow the boots, i can always ask for the predator street football shoes from weijie hohummmm!!

Wincoln told me he thought kuang yue had and gave me his number. I called kuang yue and he said he didn't. Then when i hung up, he called me again and told me he thought samuel had an adidas predator, but wasn't sure if it were the boots type. So i called samuel, who had the adidas predator, but the shoes and not the boots. I hung up, and after 5 minutes or so, i received an sms by either kuang yue or samuel that he thought ronald and aran had, Ronald was lending his pair to wincoln so the option was aran. I asked aran whether he had, but he didn't.

Ahha, i could see that life was so mean as to give me multiple hopes that end up crashing. But if i switch my perspective, i'd be able to see that i have friends willing to make the extra effort to call me up a second time to offer me an alternative, and sms me too. Oh ho, i shall look forward and see what happens then.

Recently watched the 2005 cl finals liverpool vs ac milan, and that burning passion flooded back into me. I was reminded that miracles do exist, that if you fight and play your hearts out, you will get what you deserve! Walk on, with hope!

Stevie G is truly our captain marvel, but i loved the passion i saw in smicer too. When he scored our second goal, his face was contorted with emotions that cannot be expressed in words. I could see he so wanted to get the strike in for liverpool, that it meant so much to him. And when he took the decisive penalty, he scored, kissed the liverpool badge on his shirt violently and pumped his arms in joy. Then i see carragher sliding repeatedly, fending off the ac milan attacks, stretching his tired, cramping legs over and over again. Whenever there was a threat, he was there to clear it to safety. Liverpool lads through and through, YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE, COME ON YOUR REEEEEEDSSSSSS!!!

Ohhooohoooooo, i used to be very blur and undecided on how the universe works but its coming clearer to me now. I think that in some way, our lives will be determined by what we have at birth. That doesn't seem to be something we can consciously control. Then for the rest of your life, you have to work at what you want, and have the belief in yourself. Fate, the universe, or some sort of higher being will aid you along the journey. It will give you signs to boost your morale, your motivation to work and work. It will offer your opportunities that you'd normally brush off, opportunities that you missed BECAUSE you didn't believe in yourself. And the rest, is up to you to work for and trust and give your best shot at whatever you want to do.

I read up on this concept of intention and manifestation, that is that you give out an intention and the universe will help manifest it. For me, i believe in it because i've seen signs of it happening. The last post where i described my experience was the clincher for me. But i do not believe you can get what you want simply by thinking of it. Something tells me that part of the manifestation process is in you believing in yourself and hence, being willling to work hard towards it.

There are two choices. A life you are contented with, and a life you are happy with.

YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE.

2007-03-14T07:18:00.000-07:00

Hmm, i don't feel the energy to continue yesterday's post so here's a new thing to do! Analysis of the qualities of the different positions in football But this is quite relevant to yesterday's post anyway, because a large part of the beauty in football is the diverse attributes needed in it.

First, the General attributes that apply to any position except for the goalkeeper. Keepers are quite a different class.

Stamina: To be a good player, you need to have good stamina. 90 minutes of continuous jogging and short bursts of sprinting in between is hardwork. If a team has good stamina, its players can close down the opposition quickly, putting them under more pressure which leads to their passing going awry. If you're a midfielder, you need to constantly move from one end of the pitch to the other, otherwise you will leave your defence or attack outnumbered. If you're a forward, you'll be extremely effective at the last 20 minutes of the game if you can constantly make runs and force the defender to follow you. When the defenders get tired, their concentration falls, their speed drops, and your chances of scoring increases. Likewise for the defenders, to cope with a stamina-pumped striker, your stamina has to be good as well. Players who don't need as much stamina are probably the centre defenders, the goalkeeper, and perhaps the forwards But if your team plays the longball, then the forward will have to have lotsa stamina to remain effective...

Passing: Some players need better passing than the rest, but every players needs to be able to pass a simple, accurate ball. Football is all about passing, unless you're a legod or cristiano ronaldo, dribbling allll the wayyy, but even then you'd need to be able to pass to take full advantage of the chances you can create. Forwards need to pass accurate balls to their fellow forwards, or hold the ball and pass it back to the midfield, or even lay off balls for the midfielders to SMACK IT IN-OHHHHH STEVEN GERRARD, AND THE MAN NUMBER ONE!

Determination: The determination to win, to comeback from a three goal, four goal, five goal deficit is crucial. When going for 50-50 balls, its the determined player who wins it. A defender who gives up easily will tend to play with much less effort after going a goal down, leading to the opposition scoring even more goals. A midfielder that loses his determination won't bother running back to cover, to pass the ball forward, and the entire team simply cannot function. The striker who isn't determined won't be able to score the many scrappy goals that are abundant in the game, won't chase down long, hopeful balls, and simply stop making forwards runs. Only time it might not apply is to the keeper...

Composure: Can play a significant role in the game, when both sides are evenly matched. The ability to stay calm and focus on making the correct decisions under pressure is very useful. Strikers that don't have composure are likely to simply belt the ball as hard as possible, which is of course, less effective than choosing a spot to shoot. Midfielders that are quickly closed down must maintain their composure instead of simply smacking the ball forward and losing possession. Nearly the same for defenders, but with more serious consequences if the lack of composure causes the defender to become flustered and lose the ball to the forward. When you're composed, you'd be able to pick out the better pass and decision, the better shot. Otherwise, all your technical abilities simply go to waste when you fluster and worry.

Teamwork: The last, most important attribute that applies to the entire team. A team that works together, that tells his teamates when someone is closing him down so he can pass the ball off, that urges the striker to take a shot, that moves into space to provide options for the teamate will function much more smoothly. When everyone is working as one, defenders can rely on other defenders to help track down the opposition striker, the midfielder forms a barrier to defend the defence, the defenders support the attack providing greater attacking ability and the general play of the entire team is lifted.

2007-03-13T08:53:00.000-07:00

Tisssss legod -) mm...

I imagined how i'd looked twenty years down the right, and got the idea that i'd look twenty-fiveeeee cause i think i have a kiddy-face O=

And that's okay. Cedrissss, nick, liangggg, and yijun are my newest buds (:

And let's play the game!
Why is football so beautiful! Legod shall try to explain this

Firstly, its played mainly with the feet. There's something magical about playing with this part of your body that doesn't seem to be well-equipped for beautiful moves. I mean, are you going to wriggle your toes to sort of contort the ball? MM nopee. Other sports mainly use the feet to move, actually 90% if not more have the arms as the dominant limb. Rugby uses the foot somewhat, but the main shit is still the chucking of the ball and the running about in circles.

Secondly, it comprises of 3 main components, in which you can excel in some to make up for a weaker component. These 3 are your physical, technical, and mental attributes. At first glance, the most technically gifted player seems to be the best, but as all true football-lovers know, the mental and physical aspects are equally, if not more important. A defender with good anticipation can cut off passes to the opposing skilful winger, rendering the winger's technical abilities useless. However, if he doesn't have the speed to reach the ball quick enough, even with his anticipation he won't be able to cut out the pass in time. The defender will then have to rely on his intelligence to know his speed is lacking, and instead move to cover the winger's advances.

These 3 components can all be intricately intertwined and all play essential roles in a game. So what if you're not born with the necessary "natural talent"? You can make it up with a high work rate, a determined willingness to track back, and develop the stamina and strength to win the 50-50 balls for your more technically gifted teamates. If you're fast, who cares if you can't dribble past the defender? Just smack the ball 10 metres forwards and outsprint him to it! The game appreciates not only the "gifted few", but also those willing to work hard to make up for the lack of technical ability.

I shall continue this another day!

2007-03-13T04:02:00.000-07:00

It's my fate.

Browsing through the library emptily today, zoomed in on one section just to see what if there was anything interesting, and then i found a familiar book. "Steven Gerrard: Portrait of a Hero". It was in the wrong section definitely, i knew where it came from, i borrowed it before. And then it dawned upon me how wonderful the universe had set this chance meeting up.

I was supposed to meet up with Fabian, i think i might have been 5-10 minutes late. I waited for about 10 minutes or so, then decided he probably already went off. At first i wanted to go to the sport stores at Lot 1 to check out the price of an Adidas Predator. Couldn't find an Adidas Predator in those two small sports stores.

Then the thought of going to the library hit me, and i thought,"Why not?". Browed through the sports section and couldn't find anything that caught my eye. Then i turned to another section of the library, randomly chosen, zoomed in, and there it was, "Steven Gerrard: Portrait of a Hero". It's probably the book in the entire library that has the closest relationship to my goal. If you've read about intention-manifestations, law of attraction-type of concepts, you'd know that you can pick up signs of your goal manifesting.

That sign could very well be a coincidence. I choose to take it as a sign for greater things to follow.

2007-03-11T04:25:00.000-07:00

OKAY I NEED TO ERASE SOME CRAP THAT I WROTE PREVIOUSLY WHICH I COULDN'T FOLLOW.

Now, i'm going to do all the revision things when i please. I have also decided not to label the IHC teachers as scum. Even though the last ihc test WAS a farce, i have decided to assume it isn't so the next time.

Three steps to improving your life!

1) Stop worrying. When you worry about something, think of the worst that could happen. Assume the worst WILL happen, and then work towards reducing the severity of the worst scenario. See! No more time wasted on worrying in circles! Instead, you spend all that time working towards reducing the worst case scenario!

Can you think of yourself riding a bicycle and riding an elephant at the same time? No, you can switch between the two in extra quick time, or superimpose the image of the elephant onto the image of you riding a bike, but you still cannot imagine a singular self riding a bicycle and riding an elephant at the same time. What this means is that you cannot truly hold two thoughts in your mind at the same time. When you are low on confidence, you worry about whether you'd be able to score the goal. When you kick the ball, instead of focussing on kicking it, your mind is worrying about what will happen if you miss. And that's why confidence is everything. But if you lack it, one thing you can do is tell yourself to stop worrying!

2) I was previously worried about how some concepts appealed to me, but there were accounts of skeptics disproving it. Finally, i realised that i ought to be skeptic about the skeptic's account too! Since they were skeptic about it, they would look at things that opposed it, rather than an "objective" viewpoint. Or, their accounts of claiming that so and so is bullshit, are bullshit too!

My answer to this is to decide yourself what you want to believe and stop worrying about what if you believe to be true, isn't true. Apply common sense and your own principles too though. It's stupid to believe you can actually "attract" something in your life simply because you "think" of it. Your thoughts will lead to action if you take them, and i believe the action gives rise to the attraction. It is natural that these worries will cloud your mind from time to time, but if you keep pushing them aside, they will slowly crumble and dissolve.

3) A safe life is no fun. A fun life is a safer choice.

2007-03-06T06:35:00.000-08:00

Ahh fuck i need to get back my confidence in carrying the ball forward, dribbling past players when im playing defense. It just takes so much away from my game not having the confidence to do it because i see aran and fabian, two of the better players now, they have the confidence to bring the ball forward and get past people and their game is that much more impressive. I can dribble better than either of them but i lack the confidence to -snap- do it!

The exhilaration and heightened joy in playing to your potential!

GOOD things though, i used my head to head the ball away everytime i could! That's good because heading was one big weakness for me. My header's aren't very powerful now, but at least i dare get my head onto the ball so that's good.

I can feel my defending getting better and better. I kind of intercepted and cut out quite a number of passes today, no one got past me except once this jc did when i lost my focus, managed to disrupt and delay a lot of attacks too.

It was near 6, the weather was near-thunderstorm like. i got the ball on the right flank, jun zhe was in front of me. i did a stepover-followedby-reverse stepover to the right, then a sudden surge of confidence burst in me. I pushed the ball towards the left with my right, sensed two of the other defenders closing in on my left and junzhe on the right, quickly knocked it forward with my left foot and was 1 on 1 with the keeper.

That moment was wonderful, pure bliss and joy pouring through my body in that few seconds. And it seemed so simple, like i've been doing it for so many years already. It all seemed so natural and flowing. Now if only i can recapture that feeling of confidence, i'd be a much better player.

2007-03-05T07:08:00.000-08:00

So lucky me, memememe, who thinks im lucky.

Let's dissect the positives and negatives and see if life really sucks-

Negatives
-F'ed up IHC administration in school
-Gets periods of burning boredom
-Thinks too much sometimes
-Mom cooks shitty food
-In constant, tormenting conflict trying to fight the non-legod characteristics in the human body

Positives
-Blessed with so many innate advantages over the common person
-Learned to think lots early
-Middle-income family
-Learned not to get caught up with so much materialism shit
-Constantly trying to achieve "legod" characteristics
-Has tonnes of great friends - football friends, skype brothers, significant number of near-legod-like friends (not there yet though)
-Encountered more good/decent/excellent teachers than crappy ones
-Closest to achieving legod status
-Has a purpose/dream in life already
-Has high EQ + lotsa wit and humour

Before we move on, i will try to explain what is legod.

legod...
is moral courage, the courage to step into a 5 on 1 fight to somehow even the odds
is complete confidence and self-belief in oneself
is persistence, hardwork, determination, for all the right things
is pride, honour, integrity, principles
is witty, very kiddish but retaining the correct traits when needed
is a professional footballer for liverpool football club
is not afraid of saying the right thing, not afraid to offend when appropriate
is a true friend
is a source of inspiration for those who seek his guidance
is fun. respect, able to make a difference

Course, i'm not legod yet, but i am getting closer to being him everyday.

Anyway, back to the main point!
The negatives so heavily outweigh the positives don't you think! One can consider being from the middle-income family a blessing, you don't really feel the stress and struggle of your parent's to make ends meet, yet you realise the futility and waste that materialism brings about. Sometimes my mind is junked and jammed up with contrasting philosophies and debates within and i can't sleep it off. Lying on the bed, i'd keep debating and my brain would keep filling stuffy and messed up, and i'd sleep only after a very long time. But without these thoughts, i wouldn't be able to become closer to legod! The constant conflicting shit is quite irritating, and to illustrate what i mean, a simple example that comes to mind is looks. Legod requires total confidence in oneself, whereas the human body has the annoying urge to look in the mirror and feel satisfaction that one looks handsome when really, this look is something given at birth and not deserving of praise at all. (yea, so fuck all those who use "YOU LOOK SO PRETTY" as a compliment. I use it to state facts!)

So you see, its quite confusing deciding what to do and what not to do. It requires a constant willing to do this or that, before the mind gradually aligns itself to what i want.

Whenever i feel something is bullshit or unfair, that life has played me or some shit, its always easy to compare myself with people from africa and see life is so much more unfair to them than me. So what if your parents don't seem to care for you? At least its better than having your parents not caring about you and then dumping you into a bin. I'd just think of someone worse off and i'd feel more at ease.

Sometime back, i managed to relate a stomachache with moral courage. I had a stomachache, and then i imagined the pain was one which was inflicted by the japanese to force a confession out of me, and i'd try to imagine their pain and hold out as long as i could. Its good to do these, because although i keep telling myself i will not give shit to my captors if i ever was caught, its a different matter when physical pain is involved and felt.

Sharing a sort of "brotherly" friendship is so enjoyable. Gives me the warm, fuzzy feeling everyone has felt some time or another. Last time, i thought it was tragic that thiese brotherly friendships would all end when we went on to become adults and went on with our own individual lives. Now, i say fuck it, I'll take charge and make sure this brotherly friendship continues till adulthood.

There are some trains of thoughts i follow that i think, are essential to everyone. There's "WHY NOT YOU!?", which i thought up quite some time back. Why wait for someone else to do your shit, why let stereotypes of adult life take over. Why can't you take charge and change it? Why can't i be as great as Ghandhi? Then, related to this, there's "If you try, you have a chance. If you don't try, you'll never know" It's no good to set realistic targets. Realistic often means no challenge or a small challenge, why not try having an unrealistic target? If you never try, you'll never know -what could have been. If you don't know, you don't try, you'll regret. And regret is unforgettable, painful, tears you up inside out. Then there's "hard work, persistence". Some things might require luck, but if luck befalls on you and you didn't prepare for it, its doubly disastrous and tragic. If you work at it, when luck befalls on you, you'd be able to grab it. If it doesn't, keep plugging away till the luck arrives. And if it doesn't, you won't experience the wrenching pain of regret.

I KNOW I KEEP REPEATING MYSELF BUT I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING FRESH AND NEW!

So let's talk about real-life examples.

I started training my near-completely useless left foot during the november-december hols, till now, at the start of March. I'm much more comfortable passing with my left foot, being able to supply the correct power and accuracy regularly these days. Though there are still inevitable awkward moments where my left foot freezes or makes the wrong connection, i can use it to shoot more instinctively, with more power, with the "right" feeling when hitting the ball.

Couldn't juggle the ball for nuts during the nov/dec holidays, i didn't practice my juggling intensively, but i did put in some work on it. Tried juggling the ball today and found i could easily string 4-10 kickups without having to scramble all over the place, and though my right foot is still much stronger in juggling, my left foot has improved tremendously.

I don't think i seem to improve a lot more on the court because you can usually get away just by using your stronger foot without looking too bad, but i'm happy and satisfied at my improvement. Proves that my persistence paid off, when i kept attempting those kickups, those awkward passes against the wall, even when i didn't feel i was improving. But now i know, i am constantly improving whenver i practice, and it won't be long before my next focus for improvement sees results too.

I want to gain great vision, ability to look out for through balls, to create chances. I realised why i seem to "lag" in the perspectives of others when i felt i was totally justified in doing what i did. It's simply because i always try to find a "perfect through ball" when there is none, and keep holding onto the ball till i see one. Otherwise, i'd refuse to pass without looking up at who i was passing to because it doesn't feel right to pass without looking at where your teamate is. So i picked that up and i'm trying to release the ball more often, pass it around and wait for the opportunity to pop up before playing it. Also, i oughta try to look at all the available options more regularly, because i know sometimes i focus too much on trying to get a pass to only one particular person and miss out on other possible through balls. And the more i remind myself to do it, the more i will do it, the better i will get at doing it, and i will eventually master it.

See! I am a fucking genius (XINGYUN IS A FUCKING HORNY DUMBASSS FUKKKKK!!)

2007-02-27T03:39:00.000-08:00

OUR IHC TEST IS A FUCKING FARCE, FULL OF BULLSHIT. Let's see why.

Let me see.

When Kim II Sung wanted to invade South Korea, he went to seek Stalin's permission. Stalin said no, so he didn't invade. After awhile, Kim II Sung wanted to invade South Korea again, so he went to Stalin to ask for permission. This time, Stalin said yes, and Kim II Sung went ahead with the invasion.

Stalin provided military support and training for Kim II Sung's army.

DID STALIN PLAY A PART IN THE KOREAN WAR AT ALL? OF COURSE NOT.

Let's put this into simpler terms.
Person A want to shoot Person B. But he chooses to ask Person C for permission. Person C says no. Person A doesn't shoot. After a few days, Person A wants to shoot Person B. He asks Person C for permission. This time, Person C say yes, then provides the training to refine his shooting technique, along with a couple of spare bullets.

Did Person C play a part in Person's A shooting of Person B?

ACCORDING TO VIVIEN SIM IT DOESN'T SHOW.

OKOK MOVING ON MOVING ON.

Conflict arises mostly due to resources than territories. Do you agree?

First of all, i said I AGREE COMPLETELY. And she went to underline it which was pretty stupid since even if i said i AGREE COMPLETELY, it doesn't matter if i said I AGREE TO A LARGE EXTENT, because if you think about it, the question already said "most".

BUT WAIT, THAT'S NOT ALL.
Let me give a few more similarly-phrased questions.

Idiots arise mostly due to nurture than nature. Do you agree?
Dumb IHC teachers arise mostly due to innate stupidity than pure stupidity. Do you agree?

One would think that the question asks for reasons and explanations behind why dumb ihc teachers arise. But according to the IHC teachers, you need to explain what sort of manifestations these idiots come in the form of. Like Chan, Sim, etc. I wonder why we don't need to explain the history of Dumb IHC teachers, its definitions and influences over the people around them. I also don't know why they don't ask if Dumb IHC teachers are smarter than a dog. Why? Why?

BECAUSE THE QUESTION DOESN'T ASK WHY. WHY THEN, DO WE HAVE TO EXPLAIN WHAT SORT OF CONFLICT IS MANIFESTED?

Ho hum, no point being polite and shit, because all they do is spit out a bunch of irrelevant crap and throw it back into your face. They don't even care, so might as well do good for the society and announce what a farce this IHC test is.

For awhile i pitied Vivien Sim for the way 4N handled her, but i quickly realised she ain't really worth it, especially now that i feel it for myself. Let's spill out some quotes from her and point out all her moral hypocrisy.

So we don't offer a thank you when she marks our paper, or a thank you card during teacher's day. So she goes on a tirade of self-righteous crap about how teachers work so hard to help us, in a pathetic attempt to exude a facade of high moral valueeessssss that she is trying her GOSHDARNBEST TO INSTILL INTO US.

Well, let's see. How much do you really work for us really. Borrow a couple of videos from the library, make us teach ourselves, give us worksheets for us to fill in ourselves. That's really hard work Sim! You have to mark a few classes' worth of essays over the course of 8 weeks and let us teach ourselves! Ahh, how i admire your heroic efforts in spurring our class to greater heights! You do a basic job of teaching us, and expect us to show our gratitude to you. YOU'RE PAID TO DO IT, and i don't think any of the class thinks you actually go out of your way to help us.

Oh oh, and let's spout some more crap about how, in the "O" levels, we don't even have the chance to clarify or argue. That's irrelevant. In fact, that reflects badly, because even though the world is unfair, the correct thing to do is to make it as fair as possible, whenever possible. That's what one would expect from a teacher with such integrity deserving of our worshit.

Oh, and if i remember correctly, you claimed you were fine with us not giving examples of conflict. That, you say, we must refer to Chan. Does this imply then, that you agree with us, that we should not be penalized because of this ridiculous flaw in the answer scheme? Do you not think, it is YOUR responsibility to fight for what is right, to ensure the fairest, most just answer scheme is available for the students, so you can live out to your responsibilities? LOL I GUESS NO, JUST TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT AND ASK US TO "you can refer to channy".

And i hate the ridiculous body language Sim uses. Shaking your head at my answer, trying your best attempt to impress upon me that my point was unbelievably insufficient and that you can't believe i actually questioned you on the mark. But of course, Person C so did not contribute to Person's A shooting of Person B at all, so np!np! you are the best!

But who cares, the whole sec 4 cohort agrees with me that the ihc test is a fucking farce. Oh, i hath proof of it!

2007-02-26T07:29:00.000-08:00

hahahaha

A few months back i felt quite helpless and how i felt time passed so quickly. When i was sec 3 i made a reminder to myself how quickly sec 2 had passed, and then during december i felt time had passed so quickly again. I felt like slowing it down...rewinding it even, rewinding it to secondary 1, not because there was less homework and stress then (although thats a plus), but because there was the comfort of having 3 more years to go, 3 more years of being with close friends and playing footie...

I felt helpless and a certain feeling of...angst...or something. A feeling that time passed too quickly and i couldn't no shit to stop it. But after a great deal of thought, i decided there wasn't much point brooding about it. I should just try to enjoy life as much as possible, do what i have to do, and not think too much about growing up. Make sure i keep the really good friends.

Then, i had, and still have periods of self-doubt. Times where i find myself thinking "what the fuck am i thinking of, playing for liverpool?" I look at the malays, their juggling is way better than mine, but when i play with them the gap is much closer than i thought.

Then, i'd have people around me who doubt my ability, nothing wrong with them thinking that but it always manages to pull your confidence down a little. That's why i like playing with wincoln, zhu hui, and a few others. They don't doubt my ability, they let me dribble without urging me to pass the ball off, they give me the freedom to enjoy my game. I love that.

I always try to encourage people, but i get pissed easily if i see they're not trying. There are times where i get frustrated, frustrated that my teamates are not good enough, but i know how it feels to feel inferior. It's not their fault they are not good enough, so i'd never berate them. What pisses me off is seeing people losing the ball or letting a person go past him, and not making the attempts to track back. It just exudes disrespect to your teamates, just shows that you don't give a shit about doing your part, and all you're concerned with is your own game. That's a horrible attitude and never fails to irk me.

I find it quite pathetic for someone to avoid confrontation when the situation calls for one. When you undertake a certain responsibility, a certain principle; you've got to fulfill it, got to repay the trust put into you, got to make sure you do what needs to be done.

I don't see a point in doing something that seems to be pointless, even though the school says its compulsory. Big deal, what's the principle behind having the SL project? It's to instill a realization that there are people in need of help and to trigger that source of empathy and desire to help the less abled. I know what the whole shit is all about, and i think i don't need it. I have a desire to help the less fortunate, just not now. I need to not let myself down first, before trying to help others. I don't want to do a shitty SL project just for the sake of pleasing so-and-so, and i'm sure they wouldn't want me to be doing it just for the sake of pleasing em as well. Confrontation? Big deal, as long as i'm not utterly unreasonable, i'm sure the school will be able to accept it.

It's a natural human tendency to avoid conflict, to avoid trouble. It takes a sort of moral courage to overcome this tendency, and it is one that's worth developing. How do you develop it? Picture yourself, the way you want it to be. I want to be someone who stands up to authority when necessary and take things by the scruff of the neck. I'm sure many people want to do the same, but they always crumble to this tendency.

I'm sure most people don't have the special ability to overcome this human tendency, there's a reason why i'm legod, the only one.

2007-02-25T04:01:00.000-08:00

I HAVE HIGH EQ talk to me if you're having problems!

2007-02-23T06:53:00.000-08:00

okokokok let's come up with a plan im going to stick to by and large.

MY ENGLISH SUCKS AND MY CHINESE SUCKS MORE!
///Read for at least 1 hour during weekends.
///Do all chinese homework on saturdays
///Read through past compos and shiznit for 20 minutes
///Do half of all homework load on SATURDAY

Weekdays are reserved for football. No work except for homework on Weekdays.

Study for exams 3 days before they're here
Do something more for the Grand Final's film project every week.
Play football for one hour at least everyday except Sunday. Tests days don't matter because i ought to have studied over the course of 3 days.

The rest, leave it to nobody.

PLAN MSG 2.0 BY END OF TERM!

MATH (2 AUS) -> A1 (No problem, all i need to do is work hard and revise. No turning back for me)
English -> A2( I rhink i have a fairly good grasp of english but that might be wrong. Hence, i'll aim for a consistent mix of B3s and A2s, and with ACE, i'll make it to A2 at least)
Chinese -> B3( I score a fairly pathetic B4s and C5s, but with my new learning programme my composition should get better and a maxing of Ace + OP will get me to B3)
Chemistry -> A2( Chemistry ain't hard to understand. More like i underestimate the power of studying for Chemistry. I will apply my 3 day-rule the next time, and see how it goes. I have the ability to get B3s and B4s with last-day studying, maybe 3 day studying along with ACE will push it to A2
Physics -> A1( Exactly the same as Chemistry, except that in my opinion, Physics is more straightforward. With a little refinement in my answers, i ought to have got an A2 last test, so i'll be aiming higher)
Integrated Humanities (2 AUS) -> A2 (So fucking simple to understand. The hard part is in understanding how to get the format right, to get the points in.)

In this plan i have one point to spare here and there. 2.0 MSG isn't anything easy to get, and my plan seems to be quite reliant on ACE. Nevertheless, i put great faith in the 3 day studying plan which has done me wonders for my Math A1s.

WASN'T THAT SO EXCITING READING ABOUT MY PLANS AND GOALS (:

Now TO FOOTBALL

At least one hour spent on training football except on Sunday. There will be days here and there that i won't be able to do as i please, such as camps and shiznit, but these will be more or less made up by 2 hours of football EP3!

Let's say i manage to do a mean of 1 hour per day for 10 months, assuming 1 month is 30 days, thats 300 x 6/7 hours (Sunday is "free" day) of training.

Let's go letal, tan jun yang, letalkid, and legod. Together, with the help of jose silva's subconscious mind programme, we will do well.

2007-02-15T05:39:00.000-08:00

SKEPTICISM SUCKS D=

oh jesus, jeez i don't know what to say.

you know it's silly to easily believe in things
yet you know there are things skeptics can only raise doubts but not disprove

because most skeptics already go in with the mindset of disproving, scoffing at whatever doesn't agree with their way of reasoning and logic. UFOS, ghosts, paranormal experiences, how well can skeptics disprove them? Most of the time it's a matter of experience, the experience you had but could not prove or explain, doesn't mean its a lie.

Is a blind man stupid to believe that there is no such thing as sight, or even colour?

You believe in a better world, you believe you can change it. You want to believe that you will get what you deserve one day, but that ain't mean you're going to get it. That's why the Law of attraction is so- er - attractive. It goes along the lines of thinking of something happening in your life, and that thing will realise itself in your life.

For example, if you think that you're a lousy, ugly, loser, your self in reality will become that. You do realise what you believe yourself to be. It doesn't happen immediately, but is a gradual cumulative process. It makes some sense, since if YOU do think that you are that bad, you'll be resigned to that, and WILL look that bad. If on the other hand, you believe you are capable of better, you will work to it and become, that much more capable.

But how do you prove that? All you can do, is point at your experience, point at other people's experiences. But the skeptics, they will point out to how unsubstantial the evidence is compared to the population, that you deliberately pick out some people who have had such experiences or maybe even fabricate some stories.
Most skeptics, already thinking of disproving you, won't try it out. If they try it out, half the time it will be full of doubts, skepticism that it ever works. And that, will play itself into their lives. They won't find the experience they are looking for, and condemn such a metaphysical theory. Even if it might be true, even if it has worked more than it has not.

Good skeptics, know that just because it isn't proven, doesn't mean its false. But even so, it takes a great deal of willpower and control of the mind to try out the law of attraction and yet not constantly filling your own mind with doubts and skepticism. I don't know if its possible.

At the end of the day, i prefer to risk looking foolish and believing, hoping that i'm right. I could be wrong, maybe that's why Hope is part of Pandora's box.

2007-02-14T08:16:00.000-08:00

Hmm. Since ir's valentines...

I've found my purpose in life; to inspire people to pursue their dreams, by being THE EXAMPLE, to have the life i desire, the person i desire to be. I've learnt more things about character, a sense of responsibility, a duty to do which you must. I've learnt to fuckget about how someone else might be not doing anything, learnt to be the better man that volunteers to carry the burden. I've learnt what skeptism is, and how important it is, but how blinding it can be as well.

I've learnt how to Just Do It.

But there's still something that gnaws away. The feeling of love, the want to immerse yourself in it. Even though i know some of the relationshits i see will not last long, are not as smooth-sailing or beautiful as those shown on TVs, i know out there in the world, there will be a few, rare individuals who are as great as me.

There will be great, amazing relationships in existence. And i just want to try that out too, see how it's like. Fabian is good at that, that's his strength, But i don't want to be him, i want to test, to tease, to play with a worthy girl. I have a feeling my expectations are so high that it will be very rare that i will meet such a one.

But you know, its possible. I've been acquainted to this girl called abigail kang over msn. Haven't seen her in real-life, and am not planning to get close to her or anything. I'm serious, but i have to just accept there will be stupid people who are unable to know what i', trying to say here so i'll just let it be.

I've talked to her a few times over msn, read her blog, and from what i know of her, she fits into my type. Very honest with herself, open to new things, doesn't try to put on a facade, has the courtesy and sense to participate in a senseless msn conversation unlike most bitches who leave without a word. And she plays football!

There are quite a handful of girls who speak sense...but very few who can speak sense and be open to new things and feel the need to have fun intensely and are honest. Oh, and who are comfortable with themselves. I'm making a LUDICRUOUS, FATUOS (FUCK SPELLING!!) assumption but i think 90% females are uncomfortable themselves to a significant extend. SHALL I MAKE THAT 99%! So few, so few, so few.

SO remember! Do not tease legod! He is the best! And the best, deserves the best, The rest, can be left to the rest.

2007-02-11T08:41:00.000-08:00

FUCKING DREAM, IF YOU DON'T FUCKING DREAM YOU'LL NEVER GET IT

I don't care about being realistic anymore. I don't want to reason myself to not do it. I won't reason myself that i am unable BECAUSE I KNOW i am FUCKING ABLE.

I don't want to regret 10 years later. I am able, to do what i want, simply because i am legod, i am TAN JUN YANG, i am the greatest, i am letalkid, and i work hard. I believe in my own ability, i believe that hard work will bring me to what i want. I know that the only people who don't get what they want is the people who don't try to pursue their dreams.

I really hope the people around me will find theirs now. Nike and Adidas have slogans...slogans that you should base your life on. Just Do It, it's that simple. There's no need to hesitate and shit, who cares if you fall. At least you fall. At least you know how it feels like to fall. And when you get up, you can fall again. And again, till your knees crumble and your body gets wrecked.

But at the end, you have no regrets. You will eventually make it, after falling, just like you will learn to ride a bicycle after trying hard enough. Impossible is nothing. Nothing is impossible. But sometimes, you realise its too late. You regret that you hadn't taken the first step, you had NEVER DARED take the first step.

You end up in as an average person, living an average life, with an average family, doing an average job, and bristling with regret when you see that i had told you to pursue your dreams. you bristle with regret when you see that your dreams could be accomplished, when you see it on the newspapers, Tan Jun Yang, liverpool winger, pride of Singapore.

I sincerely hope that people believe in themselves. I hate to see potential wasted. I hate to see unfulfilled dreams. I know how regret feels, and it is the worst, possible feeling i've ever felt. I don't want anyone i care for to feel it.

If you believe that i'm a true friend, believe in what i say.

2007-02-09T09:18:00.000-08:00

It's hard to be the best, but legod says npnp!

I'm doing considerably decent for math, i can err understand the concepts most of the time, i can do most, if not all of the assignment questions myself and get a B at the minimum. I got an A1 for my recent math test, scraped it with a 30/40, but i made careless mistakes worth 4 pts.

There's no turning back now, sec 1 was the jump of doom, my algebra foundation was shaken, struggled like mad throughout the year , broke even in secondary 2. Started picking up the pieces in secondary 3, and this year there's NO FUCKING TURNING BACK LETAL IS THE BEST

Whoopsiedaisies i crashed my summary by er- doing a completely wrong passage so that's 20 marks gone and and andddddd 15 minutes wasted of which i could have used to complete and check my other answers, GG LETAL, but you're the best you can turn it around next term with an A1 np.

somehow people find this year a year of burning but i find it okay, not that bad, considering i plays footie till 6 and go home at 7. but with about an hour of work + some more during weekends, i get pass fine, i manage to listen in class by slapping myself considerably hard..sometimes.

on hindsight i thought i was just maybe above average in sec 2, now im confident that im at least one of the top 3 players. Let's see, Aran is somewhat better than me, that's all. I didn't do well at field in the previous match but hellllll i had a sprained right foot 25 minutes into the game. My timing of those high balls were awful and since i was a defender it was rather bad, but mehh the other aspects like not letting other players get past me, tackling, dribbling (with a sprained ankle on a bumpy pitch fux you), passing were all pretty decent.

wincoln was one of the top players but he hasn't played this year, heh so boo to him and yes to me. i've realised as long as ive got belief and confidence in my abilities i can play the ball well. Just being honest with myself and affirming this belief with myself, over and over.

i didn't think it was that bad, but i realised how relaxed the two people sitting beside me are. Michael isn't that bad, but benjamin's lack of awareness of this year's importance just astounds me. during chinese compo he stares at the sheet of paper, then goes to sleep for lets say 30 minutes, then tries to rush through it in the last 20 or so.

his math is pretty good, but getting 20/40 for a rather easy test just means that he didn't do any revision. If i didn't do revision i'd probably get a 10/40, but he's not bad at math, math counts for 2 Academic units, and he just fucks it all up. Man he's pretty messed up, he sleeps in plenty of lessons, get lots of shut-eye, doesn't do his work, doesn't do the ace worksheets teachers give us, oooh thats a lotta crap down there.

At this rate, he's going to suck at chinese, math, ihe, chemistry. IHC and Physics have ratherrrrrr simple concepts and you can't really deprove in english since we use it day to day, read it day to day. Oh wait, but i don't see him doing any ace, or having any projects so , what'd you know he's going to die.

I feel honestly, quite sad, at his unfulfilled potential. I have an urge to get him to get cracking. But i've been there, and it takes oneself to realise, and it takes oneself to pull himself out of the shithole he dug. Life's so much different when you have goals and dreams, when there's a purpose to it.

I encourage everyone to get and build one. Start thinking on it, and don't be daft and waste time on things you don't have much interest in. Don't commit yourself unnecessarily, don't take up things for the sake of taking it up. Whats the point of taking bio if you're struggling with math, physics and chemistry? All the certificates of achievement, great material for your portfolio, but who do you want to be?

Rather than being a jack-of-all-trades, its much easier and better to focus on what you like. I'm determined to carve a career out of football, and smash into the liverpool first team. Even if it sounds foolish, i don't want to spend my whole life regretting i didn't try. I believe that i have the talent, the determination, to get there, and if i don't, at least i've led a great 10 or 8 years driving towards what i love.

Here's my plan for my next 10 years; Focus on football, but be able to keep up with my studies as well. Games are good, but i recognize my own power in controlling my urges and addiction, I WILL STOP when i need to, and i will do what it takes to lead the life i desire. I feel real joy in seeing the results of my hardwork, my improvements in studies and footie.

I've managed not to give half a crap about looks as i used to. I'd like to look good, but hey, i want a fabulous girl that can understand me, can complement my personality, keep me excited about her, a girl satisfied with the few hours a week of companionship she might only get from me. And as much as all girls like goodlooking guys, fabulous girls i want won't care half as much as the others. And if there isn't one, no one deserves me, because i'm just the way i am.

I'm comfortable with myself, but i see so many ways to improve. Can i stick out and not tell the truth no matter the torture im put through, and do i have the moral courage to step out and help a person being beaten up by several others. It's all about being the person i desire to be, and taking steps, reprogramming my own mind, to become the character i desire.

And when i get what i desire, i become the perfection, the ultimate epitome, of legod.

2007-01-24T06:59:00.000-08:00

The question is:

Why do stupid people exist?

The answer is:

Well, stupid people generally come about from the inability to think, to question. They are not able to think deep enough to answer simple questions, when the answer is actually very simple. A lack of critical thinking, committing actions which unknown to him, makes him look stupid.

Stupid people exist mainly because of genetic reasons. The parents generally determine the standard of the intelligence of their children. A lack of usage probably deteriorates the brain further, hence making these people more stupid than they already are.

The word "Stupid" has a negative connotation to it, one which is usually applied as if it was the "Stupid" person's fault for being stupid, instead of something that is pre-determined, something they have no control over.

From here, we should all learn a lesson, that the question should be, "Why do I exist?"

And this few months i have further enhanced my character. I have learnt the art of being honest, and the ability to speak honestly. Sometimes people ask me "Why couldn't i score that! Oh my god, i don't know why i missed that easy shot!"

They'd expect me to perhaps go,"Unlucky, these things come and go", but I have realised that the best answer would be,"You're not good enough.", which is true because for most of the part we like to comfort ourselves by comparing with inferiors, trying to formulate excuses for our own mistakes and shortcomings.

And with that, i can work on being more and more honest with myself.

2007-01-16T06:24:00.000-08:00

I lookie so different when i comew back from school and right after i bathe i find. My face looks so much darker in after school, i thought it was just the tan but i realise it seems to brighten a lot after i bathe so i guess it's dirt. LAYER OF DIRT ON MY FACE!!!!

I saw the slogan for the jc sec one orientation this year, and it was turbocharged...the guy whose face i know but not know his name saaaaid all the cool slogans hath been used up so next year when we go jc it will have a shittylame slogan. Then i wondered...why not "wtf"

the more i say it the more i think its IMMA CRACKER OWNIN!! wtf is such a cool word to say, in fact i think its the coolest behind letal, tanjunyang, legod and letalkid, other than that its cool.

but wtf though, the f in it makes it BURRRN impossible ahhh the pain. Imagine people from other schools will be going "wtf your slogan is wtf"

i remember......i had a convo with yujie....very short part on christians vs non-christiansss sooooooo it went like.

me: non-christians always have the upperhand
yujie: how so?
me: when they say they believe in christ, just say you believe they are wrong
yujie: lol
yujie: you better not, they'll start preaching and quoting scriptures
me: Faith without reason is the strongest!
yujie: HAHAHAHA
yujie: OWNED
me: IMMA CRACKER OWNIN!!!

actually that sums up everything i have to say about christianity. if you believe without reason, then you can believe in anything ridiculous, but the core of christianity is to believe without reason, that is faith. don't mean im opposed to the idea of a greater spiritual being exists, just means you know what i mean.

how many amazing guys are there in this world. then you ask, how many amazing girls are there in this world. to be classified amazing, you must have this innate aura of uniqueness, that is positive. you have to be a class above the rest, you must have the ability to sense emotions at will, be able to great control over your mind. you shouldn't be a yes-man, shouldn't compromise easily, shouldn't feel the need to do things an eye for an eye. and at the same time, possess a vibrant character that spurts out excitement, play, and fun at will. good lookssss are a bonus, but not necessary, cause if you're amazing, you're amazing, thats all there is to it.

if ya want to be cool, you can be a wannnabe. if you're really cool, you'll make high socks hip, but simple fact is so many people are wannabes.

NEVER SAID I WASN'T, NEVER SAID I WAS IMMA CRACKER OWNIN

2007-01-04T05:52:00.000-08:00

I was on a friggin high on monday after scoring 4, all spectacular goals. First one i just feinted left and right, barely moving the ball, froze two defenders, pushed the ball past and scored. Finish wasn't great, but it was low, so hard for the keeper to reach down.

Second goal was scored when a loose ball bounced near the center, i was the first to reach it, had a great first touch, pushing the ball towards the so that it moved just in front of the semi-circle within a split second. Didn't really dribble past any, but the sudden burst towards their goal allowed we to tap ir in.

Third goal was brrr fuzzy, all i remembered was getting a loose balll and seeing zheng wei and kaiye in front of me, kind of instinctively pushed the ball here and there, anticipating that they would commit or freeze while the ball was under my control. Managed to weave through the both of em, saw iype and raised my leg in midair to see if he would come out for the block. He didn't, so i went for a pop, another low shot that fizzled beneath the keeper's body.

(TO THE CRIES OF "SICK" BY BX)

Fourth goal was really satisfying and i felt fantastic when i scored it. I found myself with the ball at the left side of the court, just inside my own half, drove the ball forwards and saw a possible challenge coming in so i did a stepover to ward it off (i don't know if it fooled anyone but it was bascially just to shield the ball by making the defender freeze for a sec).

I was hugging the left wall at that moment, my left leg pushed it towards the center where only aran was there. The thought of using the stepover again flashed acrossed my mind, so i did it with my right, saw aran flailing or something, and following the stepover of my right leg, my left leg swept the ball to the right and i just whacked it. Again, not a great finish but the low shot meant the keepr couldn;t reach down fast enough.

Why was it so damn satisfying? Cause i used the stepover and beat a man successfully, got past three men (i think), but basically its because i felt that goal combined the two parts of dribbling, that is close control and doing tricks. I hadn't got past people by using stepovers instinctively previously, but this time i did. I practiced at home, my close control and the stepovers, and it paid off.

It was a great day that day, played with confidence, didn't over-dribble (the times i did were mainly loose balls or within the opponents half i think...), had a good team that day that passed the ball fairly well (better than the usual standard anyway. It's only one day, so i won't get carried away, but it was a confidence-booster and gave me further belief in my ability.

There's still a long way to go definitely, my left foot needs to improve much more, my passing too. I need to reach the stage where i can one-touch comfortably with my left foot. I need to be better at ball control, i fumbled quite a bit when receiving passes that bounced a bit.

I believe people who play street should be much better technically, and our short passing should definitely be better than field soccer players, but in my opinion ours is pretty terrible. We can play simple passes with little pressure, accurately, but when quick interchange of passes, one=touch-passing or simple through balls, our passing is more often than not inaccurate. Damien's batch is much better at that, and i don't think they're ant bit more talented.

Its simply the waythey play, and we ought to do that too. Play a passing game, play beautiful, rather than the frustrating direct balls sent. I'm kind of envious whenever the team of aran,zheng,iype,kaisky play together because thats the only time anyone plays smooth, flowing football. I had that experience in sec 2 with wincoln and zhu hui, but chances to play like that are rare for me nowadays.

Hmm, if i could, and i couldn't pick aran-zheng-iype-kaiye, then i'd say i would have bingxiang and zhenghao as forwards and me and wincoln as the back two. Actually i kind of feel pity for bing xiang because i think he'd much rather play striker or midfield than a goalkeeper, and the thing is, at least on street, he's a very good attacker. He holds the ball up well, he makes good runs into space, his finishing is pretty good, his dribbling isn't bad either.

But then, maybe he'd get the chance when we go JC, since i'm quite sure Tobias only wants to play as a keeper. That's life i guess.

2006-12-31T05:53:00.000-08:00

I think i know why i like football so much.
Whenever michael owen scores, the smile on his face is so honest, so sincere. So genuine, and that, is a beautiful thing.

Its inevitable that as we grow older, we get corrupted by influences, and suddenlt lust and desire just flicks on. I'm disgusted by the idea of lust, i just think flirting is so very...uncool, just not something i want to be seen doing.

So...it might seem impossible, but i'm already trying to rid myself of lust. That is one step in becoming the person i want to be. A beautiful face is something to admire. Its only when girls flaunt their legs by wearing short pants that i feel the lust in me.

When i find people staring at that, i feel disgusted, even more so because i feel that myself. So, i'm going to stop myself from feeling thoughts of lust, i don't want to be a slave of temptation. I want to be in full control of what i feel, i wavt to be the person who punches people awake when they're drunk and their lust overwhelms their own control of their actions.

Again, it might not be possible, but i never know till i try. Actually since monks can do it, why can't I?

Won't it be great if i manage to do that. My wifey and I would both be happy, i can have the right to sneer at people who stare lustily at girls. Oh boy, that is GREAT!

Oh...and the girl i liked, i decided if i told her and asked her about it, if she said no, i would stop hoping she likes me, and take that burden off me, and if she did like me then thats great. So i did, and got the "no" reply.

Hmm, i'm not lying when i say i didn't feel any extreme feelings of sadness or despair. I just felt a tinge of disappointment, because obviously the god of letal does not delude himself. now I can try my best to brainwash myself not to like her. Oh, and i think i had this thing called Limerence, something in the middle of infatuation and love.

Does this seem very machine----------like? Hmm...what the fuck

2006-12-23T03:42:00.000-08:00

To Minister of Education, Mr. Tharman Shanmugaratnam

To start off, i'd like to say that as much as i will try to be formal and polite, i'd think you and I would prefer reading something that isn't forced out. To properly show what i mean, i have to write it in a manner that is comfortable to me, but to show respect for you, i'd have to make an attempt to be polite as well.

Anyway, the thing i want to talk about is about how i feel there's an immense lack of focus on moral education, differentiating what's good what's bad, moral fibre, moral courage, consideration for others, for other races, for the environment. I know that there are some forms of "Civics and Moral Education" or other variants in our schools, but these only comprise merely of a few hours, or even less a week.

There seems to be a lot, a lot, more focus on educating the students on science, logic, mathematics, etc, i don't know what to call it besides "academic" education, and i'm sure thats the way it is all around the world. The government wants their citizens to be more competitive in the economy, naturally they would put much moe focus on the "academics" than the "morals"

But surely, what makes the world worth living should be based on morals rather than academics! Science and logic are neither good or bad, which means they can be used for good or bad purposes. Cloning might help a person transplant an organ for himself, but cloning can also be used to take over another person's identity for financial...or whatever benefits. Where there's nuclear power, there's nuclear bombs.

Detectives use logic to pin down criminals, but criminals can use logic to escape detectives. Hell, even medical cures or therapies, seemingly researched for the benefit of mankind, are sometimes harmful, researched simply for financial benefits. I draw this conclusion from two sources, first being a website detailing the fight of ozone therapies to be used to treat Aids.

The article states how ozone therapies are ignored, because other "cures" or "therapies" for aids are simply much more profitable. I had an inclination to believe in it, because the writer of the article didn't have any reason to push for ozone therapies besides the benefit of mankind, and exposing the ugly side of the medical industry. It goes on further, and i would love to link the website to you but somehow its gone down. Neverheless, i did copy-paste it on my blog, so i can refer to it, and i'm only too happy to provide you with it if you request for it.

What is clearly shown here, is how science and logic can easily be manipulated for nasty reasons, under a facade of goodness. Science doesn't run the world, morals do.

The other source is when i was trying to get my myopia down, and i read...about minus lenses. I always had a theory i thought up myself that spectacles ake your eyes accomodated to myopia, hence when you continue doing closework, further myopia is developed, you get used to the glasses, even further myopia is developed, and so on.

Reading those websites confirmed what i always thought, and thistime, i can refer you to one of the better ones, www.myopia.org . Because of money. the whatever industry in charge of eyecare does not acknowledge the harm of these "minus glasses", which treeats the symptons, but not the cause. And in fact, worsens the problem.

I confirm these facts by asking the people around me, and then i know, what they say is true. I suppose it takes people with guts, people with moral courage and fibre to stand up and speak up. This is what we should inculcate in the people of Singapore, as well!

If we could develop moral courage, the ability to "Say No" to drugs would come naturally. It will be easy to say no to smoking, alcohol, or any other hamrful vices. There will be no space for bullies, since everyone dares to stand up against the bully. It is the people who dare to speak up for what they believe in that are remembered. It is these people who can change the way the world works. Ghandi, Martin Luther King, i'm sure there are plenty of other examples.

Many seem to feel the Government is trying to "stifle" the public from expressing any views contrary to theirs. People who may want to speak up, dare not, because they lack the moral courage and dare not face the implications. It is the same principle.

The ban on chewing gum is a classic example of treating the symptons but not the cause. Once we educate the youths about being considerate, so many goshdarned problems would be solved. There's no need to put ridiculous fines for people who don't flush the toilet! Educating their morals, is what makes the differenve between a person who litters, a person who doesn't, and a person who voluntarily picks it up.

I make sure i do what i preach, i try to pick up one or two empty bottles if i see them lying about, and make sure i do not litter as well. But i can't be expected to pick up every single bit of rubbish i see. It's about encouraging everyone to stand up for who they care for and what they believe in. There's no use nurturing great "leaders" in science who lead the Top 50 richest. We want people who make mankind's life for the better.

If we start pushing forward our education more on morals than on academics, i honestly believe we can continue thriving. Sure, perhaps our students might learn academically at a slower pace, but there will be harmony in the office, there will be less stress in everybody's life. There will be much less "office politics" going on, if we succeed in truly "morally-educating" the people of singapore. People overseas will be more willing to work with us, and that, i believe, far outstrips the slower pace of academic learning.

Governments everywhere only care about making the lives of their people better. "Better" in the sense of what? Economically? A life of luxury and comfort? While that is nice, i believe a place where everyone is nice to each other...a place like heaven would mean a far higher quality of life. But its a sort of gamble, it's something that may or may not work out. But if we don't try, we'll never know.

How to go on about this? We should start really young, and focus a lot more, maybe even half the lesson time, from kindergarden up till maybe primary 3? It's a whole lot more easier to convince and instill morals at a young age. To inspire teenagers, to change them, its not impossible. But you need teachers who know them, who understand them, and these teachers don't come easy.

There's no need to try instilling a "hip, youthful" image. All you need is an honest, straightforward campaign, asking whether we want to work for a better Singapore. There will be those who step forward and give things a shot, then people who, have the inclination but didn't have the courage to do those things, can see that other people are doing it. And they will too take the initiative.

I think a minister, not formally addressing anyone, jusd going on tv and talking, asking to those watching to step forward and make a difference would make a refreshing, sincere change to other commercial advertisements which try to entertain.

And if we fail, at least we tried, we can keep going, and know in our hearts that we did what we could, to change the world to what it wanted to be.

Thanks for reading,

2006-12-21T06:36:00.000-08:00

Scraping this mud
Trudging through sludge
Looks like chocolate fudge
But i know it ain't suchh

2006-12-18T06:08:00.000-08:00

If you don't make noise, who gives a fuck about you
If you simply shut up, who's going to know what your problem is

Sometimes people think its better to suffer in silence. That's the people who get ignored,. They make excuses, some wifes going "oh, he's nly like that because he's drunk", some friends going 'i'm trying to be nice, i don;t want to ignite pointless arguments". Some people actually think that by keeping quiet, their troubles are going to be solved.

SO let me just say...NO its not going to be solved. Nothing is solved if you do nothing. Don't assume people will come looking at you, thinking they have done an injustice to you. They assume everything is going to happen the way they think. That if they continue keeping faith with their husbands, forgiving them time and time again, their husbands will actually change.

If you don't try a new change in your life, a ne wway to talk, a new way to face what you deem to be injustices, its no wonder you never know what people will actually do. All you end up doing is wallowing in your selfpity/anguish/shit

What am i like? I'm the kind of guy who thinks that if a oerson doesn't want to stand up for himself, he shouldn't cry about how mistreated he is. If the wife wants to continue submitting to her wifewhackng husband, she shouldn't blame anyone but herself.

I think Singaporeans are very pragmatic. I'm probably the few exceptions, who dares to dream and realise the dream of playing for liverpool. If you don't dare to think about it, that's alright to me.. I just don't want to cry and look back and cry more, and again, when i find out and regret that i didn't even try.

When i go into everygame, i want to win. I'm a bad loser, but hey, losing is fine. What matters is how i lose, and how people react to losing. If i lose, i want to lose because the opponents are good. I don't want to lose because of my own stupidity. What annoys me the most is how people react to losing. I feel so fucking utterly annoyed when people actually laugh or find it funny at getting raped over a game. Yes a game, but there's pride in everything. The bullshit that games are just games, i recognize that., but its a different matter when you find gettng humiliated unny.

I can't imagine any person playing soccer and getting whacked 10-0, having the cheek to laugh at their own defeat. I dislike losing, i hate losing in a dumb way, i fucking hate it when people treat utter defeat lightly.

You know what else i hate? I hate people who think they know-it-all. When i see people doing dumb things, i feel a huge urge to scream and curse in vulgaritis, but i do my best to keep it under control. As my frustration mounts, i inevitably let off a few curses, but ones which contain no namecalling or shit. Oh, and my curses simply go omg, do this! omg common sense please!

Now that is harsh? I don't understand why people can't just admit they suck or explain why they sucked. Instead they choose the ridicuous solution of keeping quiet, storing up all their self-righteouness, and then pouring it out in the hopes that someone wil agree and sympathize and give them a pat on their backs.

Again, people who pretend to know-it-all, come up with their own conclusions about what i am like. I dislike losing, but i'm my mind and heart are not overruled by the thought of winning. I don't curse and scream because i;m not winning, I scream and curse because of the way i'm NOT WINNING. It's not the result, its the process. I'd rather have a tightly-fought loss than an easy walkover win.

I'd feel bad if i hurt a friend, i'm willing to say sorry. But hey, if people want to act like they're fine with my abuse, i won't know if they're hurt. Despite their best attempts at trying to be nice, no one is going to notice it because it absolutely does shit except show the fact that you;re willing to accept abuse.

If you're not good enough, don't try to know who iam.

2006-12-14T04:22:00.000-08:00

I think we drew with St Andrew's 2-2, but i'm thinking we could have won the damn thing. We played much better at durnearn, more chances created, but somehow this time our attacks were stuck in the midfield. In the air, my heading is raaaaawful, i hardly try because i'm so uncomfortable with heading. On the ground, i think i did excellent. It's quite irritating that i need to wait for 5 to 10 minutes of the game to pass before i can settle into it.

Mr Tok taught me something really useful today, he said something like when i dribbled, my mind is focussed on getting a pass onto only one player, hence i miss out on other players. I can look up fairly often when i dribble at speed, but mr tok's words made me realise i didn't make full use of it. Kay will do that next time.

Need to train my heading and jumping, get more comfortable to it. I AM willing to put my head in, but i can't direct it. I keep closing my eyes, which is BURN!-ingbad. After playing winger last week and switching back to leftback, i realised its sooo much less tiring playing as leftback D=.

And what the fuck, Aran's a crappy captain, he's the best player on the team but his only word of encouragement is a strained "COME ON!". I'm like come on, SHOUT LOUDER AND HARDER. Think, wincoln should be captain, but then wincoln juggles between track, volleyball and soccer so it doesn't seem right.

If i target to play for liverpool by 25, this means i have 9 and a half years left. Now i have to see what can push me to become exceptional. My biggest strength is my dribbling and ball control, second strength is maybe vision. I don't know what goes on in other people's minds, but when i suddenly cut in from the wing to the middle of the field, i always see a possible through ball to be played.

My short-range passing is quite good with my right foot, but nowhere near one-touch standard. My left foot, still very weak although i can dribble better and pass better with it. My heading sucks, its not that important for a winger but if im going to play as a fullback i need to strengthen it a lot.

When i try a few imaginary crosses against the terraces, i find i can cross decently with my right foot, but maybe its a lot different on the field. Never tried it though, since i've always played on the left for the HC team, and my left foot is rubbish at shooting or crossing.

Excluding my heading, my defending is quite...decent i think. I'm not impatient and can wait for the right opportunity to tackle, have a little bit of pace too. Can't clear well with my left foot though, sucks to that.

kkkk.shutup.nospiralization

2006-11-21T07:48:00.000-08:00

Today was a bad-turned-good day for me, EXCEPT I GOT LAGABUSED in dota at night.

Soccer training, was fine all the way till we started playing the game. I've been trying to develop a burning winning mentality that gives me the bursts of energy and inspiration to sink into crunching tackles, win the ball, and take the game in my hands.

My passing was disappointing. sure, i could do most of the simple passes but when it mattered, when the receivers were running, when a possible chance was forming up, i just had to rush the pass instead of concentrating and hitting the ball properly. GODDAMNIT, wish i could train that sort of passing myself, but if i train myself thats not possible.

I can practice dribbling and one-touch passing against the wall, i can drill my left leg to be better at passing and clearing, but i can't train the goddamned passing into space shit. AND THAT SUCKS. I have a drill in mind, that requires two other people that want to train their passing as well, so if you want to get better approach me mmkay.

I thought my team had the stronger players, i think we did have, we made quite a few chances, our build up wasn't bad, our defense was passable. WE FUCKING LOST. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! WHAT THE FUCK, I HATE LOSING!!!!! Hmm...i wasn't really super-pissed when we lost, but i'm trying to make myself FUCKING PISSED OFF that WE LOST!

After eating, arannnnnnnnnn minjian fabian and bingxiang and me went to the court neaaar bingxiang's house and after playing 2v2s and fooling around, some of the malays and minjian's riiiiiiii friend came down to play. From my experience, malays seem to regularly underestimate chinese, and for good reason because the chinese parents suck and don't alllow their kids to appreciate the awesomeness of soccer.

I felt it anyway, but we managed to win quite a number of games and gradually they began to give us more respect. Hahhhhhhh...i don't know why my finishing was so good (by my standards at least) during the game, maybe its because i'm really focussed and concentrating when i shoot.

SCORED THREE GOALS SO PAY ATTENTION.

First goal was pretty sweet, i got the ball, moved it into their half, aran was on my left giving me the option to pass, the defender chose to anticipate me passing to him, but he stuck out his leg pretty far in trying to hook the ball away, but i managed to drag it away with my left leg and quickly pushed it into a comfortable position with my right, and then shot to the bottom corner and scored D=.

Second goal was satisfying, because there was this really pissifying malay who was really rough. Not aggresive, rough, and also, liked to act cool, doing stepovers and moving slowly to er, show his skill and arrogance. He's the kind of player where if you beat him for pace, he'd just slam his body onto you and then get the ball.

Hahhhh, anyway i think it was a loose ball which i quickly played up, i had quite a lot of space but there was the pissifying malay in front of me, and he just stood there with this stance where his body was 90 degrees away from mine, just posing there. It'd be pretty hard to dribble past since he was standing close to the semi-circle line, so i'd just whacked it and it flew to the bottom corner.

Third goal was pretty lame, the ball bounced off the wall, i had a little bit of space but was in a tight angle, but went for a shot anyway, and i scored.

But the dribblling ahhhh yesssssssss, i made a few good dribbles, felt comfortable with the ball, i think i made two nice through balls, and defended pretty well. Personally i thought i was as good as most of the malays, better than some, onpar with some, but that's just me, and that's just on the street soccer court.

Aran was....being his rather evil self, because the rest of the malays didn't read my post on countering aran. A longball would just be played to him, and he'd just do a turn-shot, really quickly, and scored a lot of goals for us. ALTHOUGH, his defending wasn't that good and sometimes let them through ):

Minjian i thought, was overcommitting, trying to tackle and intercept their passes constantly, and because those malays have rather good ball control and dribbling, they got past him quite a bit, but i told him not to commmit and he did better anyway.

Fabian did okay-, sometimes he left some gaps behind while trying to be a second man to pressure the ball, and he took too much time on the ball, trying to control it before shooting. I think one thing this court experience taught us is to play it quickly and keep the ball constantly moving. Our opponenets closed down very fast, we couldn't really play our passing game, but somehow we managed to score a few goals after breaking their attacks or forcing them to commiting mistakes by pressuring, two pretty...er solo-ish goals by me, aran's lameeeeeeeeeeee but effective turnshot goals.

Later on i suggested maybe some of them were playing for youth clubs, and the group i think had the consensus that a few of them were indeed playing for the S-league youth clubs. At least on court, i think we matched them, so maybe, just maybe, we aren't that far off from the required B Div nationals soccer standard.

At least on the street soccer court, i could compete and match them, and although it's likely they'll be better than me on field presently, i take comfort in that the difference between us and them, isn't as big as i thought it was.

2006-11-16T05:12:00.000-08:00

Sometimes some people ask you what's your goal in life, what's your dream, and you really have no answer to that. You go to school and do up projects, worksheets, attend lessons which you like and dislike, sign up for special programmes for the sake of it.

You don't really know how it helps, but you just do it anyway. You trust that whatever the school is providing for you is invaluable in the future, and valuable learning experiences. Special programmes seem to be insights of the outside, doing research papers that mirror the world that you grow up in.

Gradually, some people may develop a passion for certain subjects and enjoy doing it. School becomes a purposeful place to be in then, since they enjoy learning, and know for sure what they learn is applicable to what they want to do. How about the other part of some people though. Trying the goshdarned hardest to concentrate in class on something they have no interest in for academic value, (i know it's old, that's not my point) meaning that knowledge becomes dead wood.

Whats the point of life really? I think it's to make yourself as happy as possible, make it as fulfilling and fruitful as possible. Does that mean you waste away at home, on the internet since it brings you happiness? Possibly, why not? Then comes the fulfilling part. Do you feel a sense of achievement at playing it? If you do, then its a great life to have, but then, can you sustain it?

At the end of it, you need a job no matter what. Education is the key to getting jobs, but if you don't enjoy the education, why would you enjoy the job education brings about. I want to be happy in life, having a job i enjoy. But that's not always possible, perhaps impossible to some.

And that's why it's a dream. What do you do about your dream then, thinking its impossible. Give up on it? Concentrate on being another worker who goes to work for the sake of money, not for happiness? I don't want to be like that. My dream, is another one of those things you think impossible, things which stupid people love to use to tease for the sake of attention. I ain't going to be put down simply because they tease.

I won't say my dream is unlikely to come true, because i never know till i try. The chance of it happening might be small, but the chance is there. It's up to me to work on it, to increase the percentage of it. Practice, get better, practice more, improve conistently, take advantage of what i still have. Youth.

What's my dream? To play for liverpool football club one day. Ridiculous, you might say, but i told you, its a dream. A dream i want to make into reality. I know where i stand, probably at the conference level of England's football community, the lowest rung, with many divisions separating it from the English Premier League. But liverpool have achieved their dream of the 5th European cup. When they won it, nobody gave them a chance except for the Kop. They labelled it as a dream,, the same dream i have now.

What do i have at my disposal which makes my dream all the more likely? What im going to say next is probably quite elitist, but it's what i honestly feel anyway. Most obviously, intelligence. It's an awkward truth that most of the better footballers in Singapore are youths who go to school for the sake of playing football rather than studying. Controversial, elitist, maybe, but it's the awkward truth and even if you disagree on the outside, deep inside, you know it's true.

I know for a fact, few years back there was i think only 2 Singaporeans on the Singapore team who graduated from University. There are always exceptions here and there, but i think what i have said is true for the most part of it.

So, intelligence, the ability to see chances opening up, to observe and scrutinize the opponent's movement, to anticipate whether the winger is feinting or really crossing the ball. The ability to learn the mechanics of football quickly and grasp it.

Next thing i have is youth. Youth meaning i have time to practice, practice, practice, and practice. Why do you think brazillians are so amazing at soccer? It's not because of the Brazillian genes that "suddenly" makes them exclusively so good, it's simply because soccer is their life. They train and touch the ball 24/7, football is their way out of poverty, hence they put in the effort to play, and that's what i'm going to do too.

Lastly, its natural ability. I don't claim that i'm a really super-talented player, but i honestly believe i have at least a shred of talent to make things happen, a shred of natural ability. This is all very opinionated and people may scream that i'm overestimating myself and maybe i am, but from what i see, given that the past and present people i have been playing with all have roughly the same amount of "playtime" with the ball, i think i'm one of the better players.

To hear that fans sing "You Will Never Walk Alone" in unison, to support their players and show their faith in them, that is beautiful. The incredible "give me the ball, i'll give you a goal" ability of Steven Gerrard, the camaraderie that always exists amongst liverpool players, you can feel it and see it. I don't think i've ever heard one player in Liverpool who talked bad about the club.

It's quite incredible really, hearing the supporters sing and chorus the song "You Will Never Walk Alone", whether winning or losing. 3-0 down to AC Milan at halftime, the fans continued their support, and if i imagine myself as a Liverpool player, i'd have to say The Kop are the greatest fans in the world. We came back to draw 3-3, then win in penalties, and i think a large part of that was due to the will to fight for the fans, to bring back the glory of the European Cup to Anfield.

As for now, i'm going to work on my dream by practicing whenever possible, drilling myself and enjoying it, because i know i enjoy seeing the improvements in my play.

And fight to realise that dream.

2006-11-05T06:10:00.000-08:00

After all that period of thinking, maturing, flaming, i've come upon a few (obvious) conclusions to share

Number one is that some people act a lot different depending on the age, status, gender of a person.

You can't call someone fake because he spouts vulgarities in front of his friends but refrains from it in front of girls. You can't say he is putting on a facade, cause niggas are teh pwn, and also because its a basic human thing to treat people differently according to their status. To teachers and parents you have to show your respect in a very direct manner such as greeting, but you don't have to do that with friends.

In front of girls, a guy probably doesn't want to make himself look like a-er hooligan, but why's that? If every guy acts like a hooligan, a hooligan will become the norm. The fact is, most guys try to be the gentleman in front of those who they want to impress. Is being gentlemanly to only females fake? No cause it's gay to be gentlemanly to males, it just ain't cool nigs.

Number two Online VS Real-life, Pros and Cons of each.

Online, anything you say is worth less(KILL THE SPACE AND YOU READ "WORTHLESS"). You can avoid awkward confrontations such as awkward silence, you can ask sensitive questions, you can become piss someone off without feeling awkward and the words just roll off easier online. (ACTUALLY THAT DEPENDS. TOUCHING GIRLS = PISS FAST)

And why? Cause you get to think. You get to research on the internet on sensitive questions, you get to test your dream guy's feeling by going "hey junyang, wanna make out with me?" and when i say "TOO UGLY TOO UGLY, I AM TOO CARRY", they'll go "lol my friend was crapping around on my comp" while crying after being rejected by me. And i'll go "yea, i thought you were fooling around, you so pretty how can be ugly? (:"

You can be more approachable by screaming in CAPS LOCK "HIS PALMS ARE SWEATY KNEES WEAK ARMS ARE HEAVY" RAPPING IN AN ONLINE CHANNEL and (NORMAL) people will know you're fooling around and fool around with you too. But it's strange to SCREAM IN CAPSLOCK in public places cause everyone thinks you're insane and it hurts your vocals. And, while screaming online is cool, screamin in real-life is not ): .

Online items are worth less, so you can help some poor guy out by giving him some gold and shiz and make a friend, simple as that. In real-life, its not as easy to come across a chance to help, and parents go DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS and it takes a longer time to be more er- friendly with the other guy in real-life.

So those are the pros. And the cons is simply it's worthless.

In real-life, you can't do much last minute research. Your knowledge is what you have on the streets and you can't add to it. So if you sound knowledgeable in something, you sound all that much more convincing cause the other party knows you ain't doing LAST MINUTE RESEARCH GOOGLE.

In real-life you can't really put on another persona that's quite unlike, unless you GOOD at acting, and it'll feel weird. If you're a great guy people will think you're a great guy online. If you make a friend in real-life, maybe you can't go WTF YOU SUCK online but you can kick up a conversation immediately when you see him as opposed to if you only knew him online before that.

If you look into someone's eyes (especially a prettaye girl) you can shock her with your eyes, but it's hard to seduce a girl with words cause words = nerdy. If you help someone in streets basketball soccer goal dribblie stepovers sweaty palms weak YOU GET THE PICTURE.

Number 3, Rapping is something you can do, when you have nothing to do, and look cool, and not a silent fool looking like a stunned mule.

PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.

Number 4, It's hard to stay away from following the crowd, but once you get the courage to do it, it becomes easy from there.

I remember in primary 5 or something, there was this guy called gareth and he was quite the popular guy, though at that point i think he was half-nice, half-mean cause he seems to have this shit going on where a lot of the guys followed him and half the time i was too, but eventually i felt quuiite an idiot and tried to mix with the other classes (despite the EVER-EVIDENT MAINERS - GEPPERS boundary) and played soccer with em.

You know i went to church today, first time there and when the person in charge asked for us to rise and sing some hymms i was fighting in my mind. I'm not a christian, do i stand along with them and sing, or should i sit down. Another thought came into my mine, that being in their House of God, even if i didn't believed, i oughta show some respect to their beliefs and stand along, even if i didn't sing.

Later on, they had this time for prayer and all of a sudden everyone got onto their knees and started praying. Karen told me i didn't have to do the same, which was a great help cause i didn't want to, but you know, in that environment where everyone around you is a believer of god, praying on their knees and you are the odd one out, there was this calling to follow the crowd. But surprisingly, i managed to brush it off with ease, maybe cause of karen's prompting, or maybe it's just proof that i find it easier not to follow the crowd after i've told myself all these years not to.

Number 5
On topics you are ignorant about, STAY ON THE FUCKING FENCE AND DON'T ACT LIKE YOU'RE PRO AND SHIT CAUSE YOU'VE READ A FEW ARTICLES AND WATCHED SOME TV.

It so pisses me off to see people diss chinese kungfu (CAUSE ITS THE CHINESE PRIDE), just because they watch fighting tournamonts or have practiced some sort of martial art. Wing-chun is chinese kungfu, and it's known to be effective. Before you make silly judgements, try to do some research and BE someone knowledgeable before spouting all your shit.

Same for people who don't know soccer and act as if it's a really easy sport to play, dissing, dissing, and more dissing. Don't compare world-class standards, the english premier league where soccer is a job, to secondary school level. Don't impress upon YOUR standard of football that you think people should play and expect people to be able to play up your expectations.

Don't know shit, shutup, simple, stupid.

Number 6, Great things come out from inspiration.

Check out ryan gigg's fa cup goal on youtube. Check out tracy mcgrady's 13 points in 43 second effort to carry his team to a 1 point victory. Most of my blog posts were written in inspiration. This ain't one of them, sadly, and it quite feels old. Actually. Feels im repeating myself. Over. Over.

SO check this out, check this out
Stupid thug, stupid lout
All you do is shit and shout
Pathetic, crude, brute, vulgarities
Smacks of Cowardice
How bout using those fists
To be an angel, not a beast
To help, not whelp
Get the bravery, the courage
To end slavery,
Or you afraid, of not getting laid
Getting shamed and blamed
For doing things the long way,
Stead of the short 'n 'wrong play,

Catch what i say?

2006-10-13T08:25:00.000-07:00

Guess who's back

back again

letal's back

tell a friend

WTF LOL.Gg.

It feels so empty without me.

Kay look guys. Today i woke up early at 6+, and left home at 7. Reached school at around 7.45 andwaited for Melvin Chng because to check our Geog IHE paper. I got 19/30, and made some careless mistakes. Like the question on Kobe Earthquake and Killari, i didn't compare and lost marks!

After that, i went to buy some food! 2 packs of char siew rice and 2 packets of chicken. I took the lift, walked the corridor, walked down two flights of staircases, then i took the key out of my bag, slotted it into the lock, and turned. So, i unlocked the gate, then placed the other key into the lock for the main door and opened that one too.

Next, i walked into the house and locked the door and gate. I threw the keys to one side and dropped the packets of rice to one side. I put my bag down, then walked to my laptop, bent down and hit the Power button. Then, i walked to my kitchen and opened the fridge door. I reached down for the Soya Bean milk packet and placed it near the sink. Then, i took a glass and washed it by rinsing it with water. Then, my right hand took hold of the SOyabean milk packet and poured some milk into the glass, until it's like 80 percent full.

Then, i placed the soyabean milk packet back into the fridge and closed tthe fridge door.

Gg.

2006-10-01T06:45:00.000-07:00

EOYS start tomorrow

let's rumble
don't fumble, don't tumble, don't stumble, don't crumble,

Politics is really fucking dirty, despicable. I really hate it. The struggle for power, the abuse of power, that irks that hell out of me. I got into some sort of argument with this person called negi, and he started throwing some threats that he had more power in the community and could get the moderators to ban me/suspend me etc. Fortunately, this was a game forum, and i didn't care that much about it. We sort of mutually patched things up at the end, but this threatening and abuse of power really hit me hard.

I already felt a sense of injustice over a game forum, even though it wasn't that big of a deal, my sense of injustice was really overwhelming. Then i started drawing parallels of this politics with...real-life.

The nazi's against the jews, you hear about it very often but only when i underwent this sorta politics power that i truly appreciated how shitty it must have felt being a jew. I seriously think that if i suffered the same as they did, having their jobs being ripped and shredded, having to suffer under the empowerment of a supposedly superior race, when you goddamn know it isn't true.

It's true, we're extremely lucky to be living in a society of religious harmony. Some people say a perfect religious harmony or even the notion of it is impossible, but those are only scratching the surface of the whole concept, picking out on minor flaws. A tolerance, that another person has a different belief, just that simple tolerance is enough to suffice. A tolerance that can be brought up by birth, just like racist ideals, or even religious ideals that are weaved into a child's mind.

But even as i give props to our Singapore Government for the tremendous job they've done, the messing around with mr brown incident is another example of dirty politics going on. What the fuck was the sg government thinking of? It was thinking that mrbrown's column would somehow throw it in a bad light.

Well, obviously their action backfired. Everywhere i read support for Mrbrown's article, and condemnation at another attempt of the sg govt to get the citizens to shut the fuck up and listen to them. The only people with a voice in Singapore's ongoings are probably the ministers.

I agree that the you can't have strikes ongoing in Singapore, our "reputation" and our "economy" would take a really heavy blow. It's not about whether the opposition wins or not, it's not about whether there its a 1 party domination. I don't give a fuck if there's only one person to rule the entire world, what matters is that the person must be capable.

The sg govt is capable, but inevitably, it will miss out problems, ignore problems, problems that only the citizens can identify. They might spot problems, but can they spot the magnitude of it? It's not a matter of freedom of speech, it's a matter of voicing problems your own country is facing. mr brown got sacked by Today. Politics for the lose? That's just ridiculous, i thought mr brown was doing something positive for the country, but his job got whacked, just like that.

Oppresion? Injustice? You think it all ends here for him? Perhaps not. Taxes can be manipulated, housing loans, etc etc. And they can be done below the covers. Luckily, mrbrown has enough fame, to garner the support of many people as well as organisations to sponsor. He will survive.

Oh and that shit about how he's a partisan player? Please, rules can and have always been bended, its just a matter of whether the person in power allows for it or not. There's probably a limit or restriction to this idea that i always wondered why governments didn't take up.

Why doesn't the government simply explain its measures, and i mean making it truly an important point of explaining. Yes, the media does give coverage on these policies, but the MEDIA ITSELF is under the thumb of the government. Why not have a newspaper where citizens can write in, and the government employ people to respond. Make it a TRULY important aspect of the country's ongoings, to compensate for the 1 party domination and inability to hold strikes.

Give it so much attention, put so much emphasis on it, that there actually is a space for people to express their concerns. Make a 1 hour compulsory lesson discussing the articles in it for all singapore schools, let everyone understand what is going on.

If you want a peaceful, yet two-way discussion, a space to express opinions instead of mindless obedience, then you have to make put lots of emphasis on it. If you simply want the people to be mindlessly obedient, watch as the country goes deeper and deeper into shit as people leave it (like they already are), leave it, leaving a bigger void to fill up. A void that worsens as the days go by.

2006-09-23T08:12:00.000-07:00

It's the first day of school
A new burst of rules
Wake up, gulp milk, cake, get out of bed
Damned!
i'm pissed i missed the bus
So I must walk, walk fast
But no matter
what i do, i'm still last
Took the wrong way, went the long way
now me teacher's angry and ain't happy
I was late
And still so sloppy

Chorus

Mustn't be late,
Can't get an F grade,
The bullies'll get me
See me, then hit me, eat me, beat me
I'm laughed at cause im a joke, can't take this much longer
I'm starting to choke, all of this hate and anger
Fuck my classmates!
Cause at this rate, the shape of my fate,
Won't be coming in late instead
I'll be doing murder and rape

Second Part

Off the bus
In the class
My face says I can't keep up with the pace
the flow, too slow, a lost soul, a farce show
If i ain't bottom, im low
All i know is boredom
can't listen, pay attention, no concentration
Singled out
for the rules i flout
the shit i spit-spout-shout
This is what school's about

Big Bad wolf came to me
As i wrote on my diary, i start to worry,
Does he want money, do i say sorry,
Or-FUCK YOU LARRY!
I'm the target, the one to bully
Do i cry or run?
Do i let them have their fun
no i can't, let my selfvalue drop to none

Chorus

Third Part

(dialogue starts) "Fancy this, a pansy penning his pities, expecting sympathy"
"Well, fuck you Larry you stupid panty, by the way, you look like a rookie, a pussy"
"I'll make you cry girl, watch my fists unfurl, you're completely USELESS, YOU'RE THE WORSTEST!"
"Well, you spitting-spouting-shouting this nonsense,
Ain't worth a third of a cent either" (dialogue ends)

To tell the truth these taunts don't daunt me
It's the fists that get me,
The taunt's dont't haunt me, it's the pounding that hounds me
Savage dogs wearing spectacles and bags
Ravage me till i'm but pieces and rags
Scroundrels want me to scram,
scream like a scared scrap of crap

I don't stand a chance! Fuck bystanders!
They just glance by as i get my life wrenched
Bastards looking at me, with eyes of pipsqueak and pity
Blood floods out of me, till i can't even see
Pounded and beaten for no fucking good reason,
Cuts, bruises, blood, written all over me
It's like i'm a certified murder,
A criminal, for being a loner
and before long, before the next dawn
i'm a gotta go, gonna go, gone

End

Holy shit, letalkid is good at this shit

2006-09-21T02:00:00.000-07:00

wow this ticked me off cause joseph and nick dared spout shit about rap having only complete rhymes for endings of a line and dared mock me and tease me for something they got incorrectly

rap is not only about rhyme, in fact its about assonance most of the time, for those of ignorance.

english is too limited a language, to only be limited to rhymes

here's some examples to enlighten nick and joseph

Lose Yourself, by eminem

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out

sweaty and heavy, that is a rhyme but isn't a complete one

already, spaghetti, dy and ti are assonances, they don't come out the exactly the sameway, but the "ee" sound is good enough to make its visceral

nervous, surface, the sound "urs" is the assonance

drop bombs, the sound of "op" and "omb" is assonance

on, forgettin, "on" and "tin" is assonance

wrote down, whole crowd, so loud, come out. the "o" in the words as well as "crowd, loud out' ain't rhymes, but assonance

see? its not about stringing complete rhymes,
likewise, in "nick" and "shit", the "it-ic" is the assonance

Another example

jay z/linkin part - numb/encore

Can I get a encore? Do you want more?
Cookin’ raw with the Brooklyn boy
So, for one last time, I need y’all to roar

"core and more" are rhymes, but "raw" is an assonance

"cookin" and "brooklyn" aren't complete rhymes

"y'all" and "roar", theres an assonance of "all-oar"

See? End of story

2006-09-15T10:15:00.000-07:00

An unrefined rap im working on right now-

First part

It's the first day of school
A new burst of rules
Wake up, gulp milk, cake, rush out
Damned, i missed the bus
So im pissed that i must walk
the long way on my feet
Oh, shit
Took the wrong way, went the long way
now me teacher's angry and ain't happy
I was late
And still so sloppy

Chorus

Mustn't be late,
The bullies'll get me
See me, then hit me, eat me, beat me
I'm laughed cause im a joke, can't take this much longer
I'm starting to choke, all of this hate and anger
Fuck my classmates!
Cause at this rate, the shape of my fate,
I won't be coming in late
I'll be doing murder and rape

Second Part

(dialogue starts) "Fancy this, a pansy penning his pities, expecting sympathy"
"Well, fuck you fatty and your panties, by the way, you look like a pussy"
"That doesn't make sense dick Jake!"
"Well, you spitting-spouting-shouting this nonsense,
Ain't worth a third of a cent either" (dialogue ends)

To tell the truth these taunts don't daunt me
It's the fists that get me,
The taunt's dont't haunt me, it's the pounding that hounds me
Savage dogs carrying spectacles and bags
Ravage me till i'm but pieces and rags
Scroundrels want me to scram,
scream like a scared scrap of crap

Chorus

Third Part

I don't stand a chance! Fuck bystanders!
They just glance by as i get my life wrenched
Bastards looking at me, with eyes of pipsqueak and pity
Blood floods out of me, till i can't even see
Pounded and beaten for no fucking good reason,
Cuts, bruises, blood, written all over me
It's like i'm a certified murder,
A criminal, for being a loner
and before long,
i'm a gotta go, gonna go, gone
from this world

2006-09-10T08:21:00.000-07:00

Hey, let's try to see if the littlekid, letalkid, lethalkid, can make an extremely retarded and boring quiz interesting. I took this off fabian's blog, btw.

You want to take a quiz, don't answer with answers that you feel make you look cool, because they are answers that signify you as a boringfucktard. These questions, although they appear superficial, only appear so because the answers are superficial.

01) Single, taken or crushing?

Single. But hey, want to know my past lovelife? (:, yes you want to. I'll satisfy you. during primary 3 i was infatuated with this girl, switched school during pri4-6, got infatuated with another girl at pri6, and believe or not, often stayed back after school ended and played soccer till 5-6, then take a slow walk to the busstop in hopes of seeing the girl being driven home by her mom.

Got over it quickly, Sec 1 = i got smarter and more mature, i realised the hopelessness and desperateness of infatuation. the pri3 girl went to nygh, took the same bus to school as me, got lots of hints that she liked me too but didn't try to further it on because i knew it was infatuation and it would go away.

It didn't, until it ...did all of a sudden one day in secondary 3. Well, i'm happy it ended, but it took 7 years. Nice huh.

-
02) Are you happy with your life now?

Not really, plenty of regrets which i have but idon't ponder upon. Wished i studied harder in sec 1 in math, since i thought my math was wtfpwn in primary school and had the same attitude in primary school as in sec 1. Needless to say, autofail. Sec 1 is where you learn basic algebra, the foundation of all math, hence i have a shaky foundation and everything else is hard to pick uo.

Wished i could play soccer everyday rather than study, but thats fantasy and not life. Still, iguess im lucky im superior to 90% of teenagers in the world, so yea, happy.

-
03) When you meet the right person,
do you fall in love with him(her) fast?

What a fucking dumb question. Agree?

-
04) Have you ever had your heart broken?

By? Love? No. Actually, i have never truly gotten my heart broken. Had some moments of injustice happen to me, some teary moments but notexactly a heartbroken affair

05) Do you believe there are some circumstances
where cheating in love is acceptable?

People who say no resoundingly are shallow, superficial. It is not acceptable, but sometimes, there is a scenario of the lesser of two evils. What if circumstances meaning saving the world from destruction, saving your loved one from further hurt (it can be distorted in such a way)

Is cheating in love then acceptable? No. Would i do it? Yep.

06) Would you take someone back if he(she) cheats on you?

define cheat? cheating can be for a person's good, like my previous answer said.

If cheating with no positivity whatsoever, i do not think i will take the person back. If i won't do it, i don't expect my friends/lover/family to do it, if you can't do that, don't be my friend. Simple as that.

Yes, everyone has his own individualistic characteristics, some have lesser willpower than others, but then, life is unfair.

07) Have you ever talked abt marriage with another before?

No, but i guess the reader, reading this somehow translates into me talking about it right? Well i think marriage really depends on whether both parties put some thought and use their brains. If they do, i think 99% of the times marriage will work, and the 1% is attributed to some crazy-shit random experiences that might tear up the couple no matter what.

08) Do you want children?

Er..i like children. i used to manipulate toddlers to fight against one another. Two toddlers placed in the same playpen, i hit one of the toddler from the back, the toddler turns around and thinks the other toddles hit him, fight occurs. Superfun and harmless because im watching to see if things go out of hand.

On a less sadistic note, children are innocent, straightforward, qualities i like in a friend and in a person. I can't be as innocent as i'd like to be (read: above manipulation, rofl), but at least i can be straightforward. They look cute, are cute (not act cute).

And i'd like to have a person who i can model after me, give him all my incredible qualities, make him a soccer star, an extremely cool, dream guy.

Yea, i want children.

09) How many?
More than one definitely. I'll make them share an extremely heartwarming and deep brotherly/sisterly/family? bond with one another. I can make an extremely cool guy and an extremely cool girl.

The cool guy would be able to fight off a bunch of thugs by himself, excel in soccer, have good moral integrity, able to communicate effectively verbally as well as through body language. Everyone, including teachers give him respect, he dares talk back to teachers only when he feels an injustice has been done.

The cool girl would not act cute, can kick a guy's ass, excel in a sport-integrity-effectivecommunication- thing i wrote above. Keeps an open mind, if guys dare to tease her she will be able to come up with a vicious comeback, eh, basically what i wrote about the cool guy.

Most of all, they would share a deep bond with one another, help each other in trouble, yea thas what i call kickass children.

10) Would you consider adoption?

Perhaps, you never know. Maybe a kid would catch my eye, i would feel pity, etcetc.

11) If someone likes you right now, what do you
think is the best way to let you know his(her) feelings?

Make me fall in love with her, then tell me. Or, just tell me straight in the face, and then embark on a journey to chase me. man, that girl would be awesome, but ...nahhh

12) Do you enjoy getting into a relationship?

Nev4r been in one. If i did, i would make it enjoyable. All up to the individual.

13) Be honest, what is the furthest you and your ex did?

Giggle at each other. How asswipe is that.

14) Do you believe in love at first sight?

People who do, like fabian, are retarded morons who do not know the difference between lust and love, or fail to see that there is no such thing as love at first sight. Sounds romantic, but you're supposed to like a person because of his qualities and to do that, you have to know him well. Lust at first sight, i believe hellyea

15) Are you romantic?

No idea, but even if i ain't i can make myself to be. Up to the individual.

16) Do you believe you can change someone?

I don't believe. I know. But not everyone is worth the effort, and i don't bother to

17) If you could marry somewhere, where would it be?

By the night sea, or a snowy place during the night. There just seems to be something mystical and cosy about both of it.

18) Do you easily give in when you are fighting?

I do what is right and wrong, i never fight for the wrong thing and if i do, i change once i realise. When im fighting for the right thing, i don't give in. In truth, i have never been in a situation where i really thought my willpower was tested to the extreme, crosscountry runs are a test but not anywhere close.

I admire people who don't though, the japs tortured the 316 fighters till their deaths and they still shut up. Honestly, not being in that situation, i have no idea, and to say i definitely will would be an insult to those who prevailed when their willpower was truly tested to the limits.

19) Do you have feelings for someone right now?

if you mean lovey-dovey, nope. even if i had, i would correctly dismiss it as infatuation since i do not know any girl well.

20) Have you ever wished that you could
have had someone but you messed it up?

ROFL. nah.

21) Have you ever broken a heart?

no relationship= no heartbreak. Man why does this quiz assume the taker is the average-retard teenager who dives into the first infatuated relationship and deems it love?

I've made plenty of people angry before. Made a girl scream a vulgarity to me over msn (it was :FUCK YOU!!) lawl. Made cheang pist in the past. Made a lot of my classmates angry with me after i made an extremely harsh post on my blog of my 2m classmatesof which i apologize if i hadn't. Anger blinds me, that i am not invulnerable to.

22) If one day your best frend falls in love with the
girl you're deeply in love with, what would you do?

Fight for her? Failure question?

23) Are you missing someone now?

I miss people time to time,when this question is asked i think of those people i miss..so yes im missing. Im missing thomas, im missing my best friends who chose to go ri, i anticipate missing all my secondary friends when i move on as an adult life, i miss zhuhui who went to england, i miss those incredible moments where i chatted sincerely with people like songyi and xingyun, even those moments i still miss.

I miss primary school life, i miss secondary one, i miss having kevin cheng as my teacher, i miss (AMG LAME DOUBLECONNETOR, I HAVE TO BREAK THIS UP) "MISS RUHAYA", the first great teacher i ever had.

Hope this quiz didn't bore you.

2006-09-09T10:38:00.000-07:00

A overdue post, and one which i am making after another late-night deep thinking round

and here it is.

lately, i've been trying to find which is right, evolution or creationism, christianity or...non-christianity.

here's an argument i formulated-when-stumbling-upon-something-relatedtoit which convinced me that there was a creator.

Question what laws are made up from? how do the formulate? Very simply, by morals, by conscience, we judge what is right or wrong, hence setting up laws. Now if you look all around the world, despite the differences in the laws of many countries, you will find that ultimately, the laws condemn the same crimes. Murder, robbery, assault, harm to another person.

Now how did this conscience come about? How is it, that countries, people from ALL around the world have such similar morals and conscience meters? The only logical conclusion i can draw out is there was someone to differentiate what was right or wrong.

I don't know if i've convinced you, but for this moment, just this few seconds, will yourself to believe in god. close your eyes, lie on the floor and think of him as someone omnipresent, who can listen to you wherever you are.

Now speak to him, you don't need to treat him as your great benefactor. I treated and spoke to him on the same level as a friend. I felt a sense of calm, maybe even happiness, and i had some faith that God did exist.

I watched a video on the root of evil, a documentary by Richard Dawkins. I searched some wikipedia links and realised one thing

Just because everyone around the world has around the same moral values, the same consicence meter...guess what. That doesn't mean there is a creator, that DOESN'T MEAN THERE IS A GOD. It simply means that it is possible that some force or another, gave us the same conscience/moral values. It does not mean there was a creator or whatever, all that means is that something gave us the same conscience/moral values.

Or, it could be but by random chance. It could be that in actual fact, moral values around the world differed heavily, but as people took over each other, people killed each other, these moral values settled down into the same thing somewhat. Many things can be created or lost through the passage of time.

I realise that faith might not be blind belief, but it is nearly that. It is a process of non-thinking. Yes, some christians question their faith, but often, if not always, they are subconciously searching for the answer that moves towards their faith.

There have been biblical archaelogical evidences, to support the bible. The Holy Book that is true. So says the christians, so says the islams, so says the muslims, so says the jews. Faith plays an integral role throughout. There might be evidences, but ever thought that these evidences COULD BE FAKED. In Science, you can fake evidence, but it is all too EASILY EXPOSED. Theories are supposed to work in the past, as well as in the present.

biblical evidences? there is no need. A simple rewrite, a simple republish. Behold, the earth is round, and the catholics who said the earth is square is wrong. Traditions, generations of beliefs, influencing many people, EVERY people of a particular religion. Children are indoctrinated, before they have independent thinking. Through "group solidarity", false is taken as truth.

This argument was used against me before, but right now i find it helpful in formulating the argument. When you are young, before you are able to think for yourself, what allowed you to sit on the chair? My answer as that probably my eyes had seen my parents sitting down and hence, thought it was safe. The analogy is that, the "sitting down" is "believing in God". Hence, you believed in your parent's judgement to sit down, in the same way christians have faith in their parents belief

When you are a small child unable to think for yourself, you treat what is told to you as right, as a fact, a truth despite not having any evidence to back it up with. You are unable to think for yourself, therefore you believe in whatever you are told to.

What happens to christians who becomes that, even though they might not have been of a christian upbringing, is a return to the stage where they accept what is given. No doubt, some are truly convinced by some of christianity's arguments, but i believe if they were to research further, if they could keep an open mind like me, who was previously partly convinced, they would back out of it.

Look at the examples in this documentary

great link

The assumption of mary. catholics believe jesus's mother was so important her body shot off to heaven when she died, WAS MADE UP, 600 YEARS after jesus' time. And right now, catholics believe in it as a fact. Can anyone disprove this? No. Can anyone prove it? No.

How does the bigbang come about then? Simply put, science cannot answer it, AS OF NOW. Science couldn't prove that the earth was round in the past, does that mean it was square in the past? No. Just because science is unable to prove something, doesn't mean it cannot prove that thing in the future, or that an alternative viewpoint based on trust is correct.

Alright, god may exist, allah may exist, prophet muhammad may exist. they MAY exist. as of now, the different beliefs are currently causing the deaths of thousands of people, are churning out hatred among the religions. Mankind is enclosing his mind, only allowing one god to be in there, one god which may exist.

Mutual tolerance might be advocated in Singapore right now, but who's to say what will happen if say, a superpower like the US completely becomes of Christian belief. Will we become forced to be a christian state then, due to politics, fear of power, etcetc?

When i think of all these, i close my eyes, lie down on my back and attempt to speak to God, i feel like an ass.

2006-08-27T04:38:00.000-07:00

How to counter Aran's team

By aran's team, i mean zhengwei,kaiye,aran,iype and a goalie. These 4 people often team up together and manage to burn the street unless another team with 4 considerably strong players come up. Even then, there is no guarantee which team wins.

Firstly, they have two styles of play. One is to have the two defenders iype and aran to stroke the ball around, waiting for the forwards to move into an opening. They then pass the ball to the forwards who hold the ball up who either wait for the defenders to push up or have a go themselves. Second one is where iype is in charge of playing the ball and aran moves up and they attempt a longball of sorts.

They use the first style most commonly and here's how it works. The two defenders wait for an opening before passing. The forward who receives it can usually hold the ball enough to let the defenders push up, and then passing it to the defender. The defenders freely try shots at goal and if they are unable to, can pass off the ball as they move continuously.

This series of continuous movements work because all 4 are decent passers and have decent first touches. As they move about, openings are created as defenders unconciously start to manmark and are drawn out of position. If the defenders are not pressured right at the start, aran can then dribble through the middle, forcing the other team to run towards him and drawing space for the forwards, while already near the offensive half of the court. Otherwise, he drills a shot in the middle

The forwards are the most important part of this as they are the ones who hold the ball up and move around to draw space. Both iype and aran have dangerous shots from range but only if they have the space to do so. Hence, if one can pressure the forwards enough to make them give it up, the play fails.

Kaiye plays best at holding the ball up and waiting for the defenders to push up. He tries to flick the ball sometimes but 99% of the time its ineffective and he does much better simply holding the ball up. Most of the time he can do this well enough, so putting an average defender to hold him there is sufficient. The forwards of the team must double back to doubleteam kaiye, whilst keeping the defenders nearby as to be able to take them on if kaiye manages to thread a ball to them.

Zhengwei likes to dribble the ball around and sometimes gives it off cheaply so a good tackler should take him. Again, the forwards must doubleteam him whilst keepng the defenders nearby, otherwise no doubleteam should occur.

The forwards must hassle aran and iype for the ball, but not let them dribble past them. When aran and iype give away the ball, the forwards must go back to defend but only if they can keep the defenders in check. Keeping the defenders in check > double team.

Lastly, there should be no man-marking. Every player should stick to his area, but improvise when the situation calls for it. If aran's team has more players to the right, move along to even up the numbers. This way, aran and iype will not be able to take the many long shots they often get to take, defenders do not get drawn out of position and lesser openings are created.

When attacking, good dribblers should focus on iype and beat him through the walls as he is slow to react there. very few tricks work on iype, but pace does. Kaiye and Zhengwei are pretty aggresive in closing down, hence the forwards should take advantage of the space given when they push forwards to harass defenders. Through the walls, defenders can then pass the ball to the attackers. The attackers must quickly maneuvour for room to take shots at goal.

Individually,

Iype is prone to making careless mistakes and vulnerable down the sides (walls) as he is often slow to turn around. Although his first touch, passing, shooting and defending are good, he rarely ventures forward and plays the defensive role of the team.

Aran is gay for two things: a very fast turn-shot and his long-ranged shots from rebounds, or otherwise. To stop him from taking so many shots, players should be aware of where he is and quickly close down his shooting angle. His turn-shot is devastating but here's a counter to it.

The turnshot works this way: The moment aran pushes the ball lightly to oneside, his other foot starts to swing. As he has done this a lot of times, he swings his foot very quickly and by the time you see him turn, he already executes the shot. The crux of this counter is to look at his pivot leg. To execute his turn-shot, he relies on one foot to pivot himself and the other foot to shoot. He cannot change the direction of where he shoots. Hence, whenever one sees aran shifting, the defender should move to the direction he shifts immediately. There is no way in hell he can execute a shot in the opposite direction when moving into one, hence there is no danger in shifting to guard one direction when aran turns.

Zhengwei can get into shooting positions and dribble much better than kaiye. Kaiye holds the ball up better. Hence, the stronger defender should take on zhengwei. He should not commit easily, but whenver a shot is attempted, the defender should quickly cover the angle. A simple, average defender who can hold off kaiye is sufficient, since a good defender might not be able to take the ball off him either ways.

However, when zhengwei and kaiye switch positions, problems occur. Best-case scenario is both defenders are good enough, however if that doesn't happen, the stronger defender should cover the weaker one, and put less priority in marking kaiye.

OKAYENDFAGBORING

I think street soccer is very similar to basketball in terms of positions! Here's how.

Point Guard- Develops the play, brings the ball forward and looks for opening. Requires decent ball control and vision of the game. Useful to have good dribbling skills. The street soccer equivalent is the defender who brings the ball up from his half. Pointguards are players like: me, iype, aran.

Center- Physically strong is a must, must be good defensively and its useful to be good offensively. Must be able to hold the bal up. Sort of like a ballwinner, but unlike basketball, height is not much of a requirement in street. Centers are players like: Wincoln, Zhenghao

Shooting Guard- Has to have a good shooting ability as its name suggests. Players like: Fabian,

Small forward- Usually quick with good ball control. Able to manoevour in tight spaces and shoot accurately. Runs into openings to get space. Players like: Zheng Wei, Yujie

Power forward- Can hold the ball well and be able to play with their backs to the goal. Usually more aggresive, and requires decent levels of passing and shooting. Players like: Yiming, Kaiye, Yujie

Many players are versatile and can switch between roles...Ok done.

2006-08-18T09:32:00.000-07:00

3n seems to be becoming the next 2M.

You know, some people from 2m went to 3n, most of the funky people from 2O and 2n went to 3n as well, turning it into a pretty bonded class.

So what does our class have.

I think the only people who can be on friendly terms with everyone is me and mogie.

A group of study-elitists sorta distance themselves with those on the bottom end of the spectrum, the slackers keep away from the study-elitists, there are a few who mostly keep to themselves (unlike me who will randomly move up to a guy and go,"why are you looking at me? fuxch00!"), a few who keep to themselves a lot and love speaking negatively a lot about others...and some people who are really strange and if i may say so, pathetic.

I shan't name names, on the whole the class seems to be friendly enough with one another, but there lacks the link between mates and acquaintances, the bond where both sides can be natural and speak with no fear of incurring the other person's wrath.

"life is never fair", that seems to be something many people around me are unable to grasp or accept. recently we had a physics test, where there was a sudoku puzzle which would unlock an alternative, easier question in place of a harder one. So, before the test, some people were taking the sudoku in their stride, feeling it is but another, possibly easier path to take. Some people who haven't done a single sudoku like me, resigned ourselves to taking the harder question. Some people were proclaiming their amusement at the inclusion of sudoku, but nobody vehemently protested.

There was no basis for protest, because it could simply be ignored.

However, a few people who got the sudoku puzzle wrong which effectively killed off 4 out of the total of 35 marks, and there began complaints. Why should we lose marks over something which has totally nothing related to physics? A few people who got a single sudoku number wrong, were penalized but stil awarded marks, because all the other numbers were correct, and since if the person had thought the wrong answer was in fact, the right answer, ALL the numbers should have been wrong. Hence, it is clear that the a person who had 1 number wrong is obviously careless. But no, complaints of double standards were raised on this as well.

Why do people choose to look from every possible negative perspectives? A neutral perspective (like me) would look at the situation this way: The sudoku puzzle is a possibly, easier route and alternative to the harder question. If you do not know how to do the original question, the sudoku is there to help you. If not, ignore it. It's actually a very fair system, but mr tan views it as "life is unfair" when in fact, he was being fair, and also helping the students.

Another incident was the...erm our monitor chose the people who did not vote in the polls as the ones who would put up the performance, it being some form of punishment. While i think that it isn't entirely fair to push everything to other people because they didn't vote, people are being too harash on him.

All of a sudden, they criticise his blog. they seem to be extremely disturbed by the "dictatorship style" alan's message seemed to be written in (imo, it wasn't..), and of course, protest fiercely to it. They go "wtf, fuck la what is this! okay lor, u choose us don't blame us if we put up a shit performance"

I don't really know how they feel, because i do not know whether they experienced it before. I've experienced numerous times where i felt like going "fuck this, screw it all." 1 example is IRS in sec 1. The day before the semi-finals, guan yu wanted me to come up with a "website" format through microsoft word. Chris eng had gym to attend, edward was sick. In truth, me and guan were the only ones churning out the semi-final ppt.

I did up the work, staying up till 1. i realised i had no medium to store the information. I had no thumbdrive, internet cldn't be used to access as it was done on MWORD. Could i email? I didn't think so, because that meant i had to attach many multiple attachments since for every link, the link led to another mword document, and it was extremely unfeasible.

Last option, floppy disks. I tried to scrape whatever floppy disks icould. All could not be used, until i inserted one in. I saved it in the floppy disk. During the saving process, the com seemed to hang.

I had to reboot the com. I tried to eject the floppy disk. It was fucking trapped. I checked to see whether the document was saved in it. no response from the disk. I opened up mword, and found a recovered version which lacked a shitload of links, meaning i had to start creating the mword documents, then hyperlinking them to the main table of contents. The time now was nearing 2 am.

I completed the recovered version and saved in on the desktop. I took another floppy disk and wanted to test it out. The previous floppy disk was stuck inside. All that time spent doing the "website" went to shit.

I lost it completely.

I hammered the eject button, my frustrations and anger causing me to breath loudly and furiously. I felt the frustration building up and started screamin and shouting in anger to myself. my fingers slipped into the floppy disc drive and i tried to forcefully pluck the disc out. My anger channeled all my strength to my arms as i pulled mercilessly, knowing that it would damage the floppydisk drive but i ddin't give a fuck to it all.

It was near 3, i was extremely tired, drained. And all for nothing, i was frustrated, angered at this piece of crap life handed to me. I just wanted to go"fuck semi-finals, fuck chris eng and edward" and throw myself to bed.

A high beeping sound started emanating from the computer. The loud curss and screams to myself, coupled with my violent tugging of the floppy disk trapped in the drive awoke my mother and sister. They tried to help me, but i had made a possibly removable trapped floppydisk into something completely unsaveable. I actually managed to rip out the frame out of the drive, but there were still some bits and pieces left. When i tried to insert another floppy disk, i couldn't even slot it through halfway. The whole drive was damaged.

I wanted to slam the computer down and not give a fuck anymore. But guan yu had given me this responsibility.

I tried to do the best i could then. I saved whatever i had into my email, planning to tell guanyu to retrieve them and put it in a folder tomorrow. Hopefully we would have time...

And thankfully, we had a break before it was our turn to present. We quickly saved it in the thumbdrive guan yu had.

I don't know how you make out of it. Life certainly made a fool of me, it pushed me to my mental and emotional limits. It wasn't fair that it was up to me and guanyu to complete the semi-finals presentation but we did. It wasn't fair that the job of making a website was pushed to me at the very last moment (chris eng was the..leader..he being a slacker).

But i still did it and pulled through. The floppy disk drive is still damaged.

2006-08-18T09:03:00.000-07:00

Have you ever found yourself bored on msn, wanting to strike up a convo and laugh, but lacked the topic to? Have you wanted to see how your girlfriend, teacher would react when they are teased or irritated? If yes, I AM offering you this opportunity for absolutely free of charge!

Here's what you have to do to request. Add me on msn at letalswordhero@hotmail, speak to me on msn to put forward your request.

Heres wht it must contain:

-the email address of the person you want to annoy
-how the person is related to you
-the topic you want to tease him on, or just allow me free access
-how overboard you allow me to go

Here's a sample.

c'mon we can do this says:
yo
Chocolate is good for the soul. guess our hearts are made outta chocolate then. says:
ello
c'mon we can do this says:
fuck you, what?
c'mon we can do this says:
oeh bangla
c'mon we can do this says:
reply
Chocolate is good for the soul. guess our hearts are made outta chocolate then. says:
what?
c'mon we can do this says:
bangla..
c'mon we can do this says:
call me so many time for what
c'mon we can do this says:
msn also call me
c'mon we can do this says:
i want call your mother tell her send you to bangla landChocolate is good for the soul. guess our hearts are made outta chocolate then. says:
i never call you at all..
Chocolate is good for the soul. guess our hearts are made outta chocolate then. says:
do i even know your phone number..?
c'mon we can do this says:
u never call then what is this?
c'mon we can do this says:
u just now say ello
c'mon we can do this says:
still dare deny
Chocolate is good for the soul. guess our hearts are made outta chocolate then. says:
but you said yo..
c'mon we can do this says:
bangla i not talking to you la
c'mon we can do this says:
why you reply
c'mon we can do this says:
think people want to talk to you ar
c'mon we can do this says:
gimme your mother number
c'mon we can do this says:
i call her send you back bangla land, faster gimme
c'mon we can do this says:
OKKKKK
c'mon we can do this says:
imbored

I give priority to making fun of girls because boys are usually much harder to annoy. Also, it is much more fun.

2006-08-14T06:08:00.000-07:00

Topic of the day: Singapoe is super boring

I'm not the kind of person who goes out very often. I do get sick of staying cooped up in the house all day, but going out doesn't seem much fulfilling either way

Let me try to summarize the activities available to the regular Singaporean teenager.

-Lan Gaming
-Movies
-Walking in circles at Orchard road, glancing at clothes, buying whatever appeals
-Kbox? (never done that)
-Pool?
-Bowling
-Do the worst thing possible. neoprints.

And other possible, but fast-tiring places like

-Escape theme park
-Swimming Pool
-Zoo
-night safari

For those over the age limit,

-Clubbing

Clubbing blows. Inhale that smoke, guzzle alcohol, dance liek a fag, That's all. Unhealthy, I guess it's acceptable every once in a while to relax. But not a place you find interesting after going there repeatedly.

Escape theme park, maybe you get a few thrills for the first few times, but it dies off after a while. Plus, it's expensive.

Swimming, quite fun actually but no one seems to take it intensely. I suppose the over-chlorinated water, mixed with the dirt of everyone who jumps straight into the pool, turns people off. I think this is quite a cool activity actually, i remember last time when i swam i always managed to get into some stupid invented game like "Shark".

Zoo, night safari = smelly = uncool + fast tiring. Only for family outings.

And now we move into the regular activies the average sg teenager takes part in.

Lan Gaming, enjoyable, does not tire out easily. However, it burns a big hole in the wallet, and at the end of the day, doesn't accomplish much, especially if you suck at it rofl.

Movies, ahhh it seems every week a cool, must-see movie appears. Many a time i feel like watching but in the end, can't find the time to go for it. Well, it's a extremely repetitive process but the fact that every show is different and most hyped-up movies are actually decent enough to enjoy numbs the $7-$9 paid. Once in a while, i'm cool with that. Watching 1 movie per week = minimum of $28 a month. Two months = One PC game or GBA catridge which provides muuuuch better entertainment if you choose the right ones.

Whenever i go out, after movie+food, we get walking around aimlessly and we see plenty of people doing that too. Windowshopping = walking around aimlessly, admiring cool-cookie shoes/clothes = walking around aimlessly, only if you already have the intention of getting a gift or buying at the start, does it count as not walking around aimlessly. Why? Either there's nothing to do, or the entertainment is too expensive. Sigh.

KBOX = no comment, haven't done that although i suspect it would be quite fun in a large group.

POOL = no comment

Bowling is corny and for people who rarely bowl, it is but a HUGE waste of money, and gets boring very fast.

neoprints?!?!??!?! no, omg, neoprints.are.the.retarded.shit on earth. There was once john wanted to take one with the other guys. Everyone joined except for me. I thought it was retarded and still do. Having a low-quality picture with puny resolution and some retarded flowery things at the outlines spells gayfag, girlywhiny, to me.

Waaaow, so the only decent activity that seems interesting and not too much a waste of money is swimming. Can you blame people who spam computer games everyday? People who go out everyday aren't doing much better since they normally stick to their own friends, and to make things worse, they splurge lotsa $. Lotsa $ gone to waste.

Does going out often give you better social skills? Maybe it helps, but it depends much more on the person. Take me for example. I hardly go out during the holidays (track/soccer trainings don't count plzzzz) but i have better manners than i think 70% of all teenagers out there. Actually, i think 70% is too low a number, probably distorted by the circle of friends i have who are actually pretty dam polite when you compare em with the avg sg teenager.

And, i have 0 problems talking to people of either gender, actually more like i keep to myself, because i'm not the extremely social person but when strangers ask questions or speak to me, i give 90% dam bloody better replies than the retarded "i donno haha," because i actually keep silent and think of a good reply instead of shooting out whatever comes to my mind.

btw i also very, super rarely talk to girls. Like er, once every 3 months? More during holidays when people meet up, but as i said i don;t go out often, so not by much. msn convos don't count btw, you smirking nerd smiling to yoursel who only knows how to sms and speak online but comes up with a shit convo when face-to-face (super-plenty of idioticcc puhleese questions and statements i've heard, even from our white knight angst punk, player casanova kyle, the one and only fabian.)

I come up with a decent, interesting conversation which the nygh girl karen can 100% be my witness and some idiots will doubt me and actually ask her or get friends to ask her, or try to know her or..er. whatever.

I know i went offtopic but yeaa, sg is too boring a place. expensive entertainment blowssssplsssss

2006-08-11T06:48:00.000-07:00

LC has a nice blog. www.cameh.blogspot.com, i think it surpasses mine it a few areas. It addresses a lot of problems with our Singaporean teenagers.

Anyway i agree on his latest post. About dice with life. And, fabian and minjian and other people might be offended, i won't tell you to look away because you'll look at it anyway.

You know, this blog by the girl called vera shaw and fabian's fatality. After reading the damn two blogs i just feel so frustrated and disgusted. I feel quite disgusted that some teenagers do not give a shit about splurging money excessantly, their parent's money by the way. Spend hours to waste their lives on nothing, nothing fulfilling, just cheap, superficial entertainment. And the worst thing? I don't splurge but i don't spend my time fulfilling either.

I don't get how someone can show, reveal so much about his private life/love. Openly expressing his sad/happy/heartbroken emotions, taking the effort to italicize them. I mean, c'mon how fucking fake can you get? You want to express your sadness, your disappointment, i won't care, i don't blame, but italicizing it? For? Drawing attention to those feelings? A true emotion expressed should be pure, vibrant, the words you use should be what people can truly feel and relate to. What's this shit about italicizing it, and claiming all those feelings are true.

Don't give me shit about how its your blogging style please, because if its about your blogging style, keep it to yourself because i ain't convinced.

It seems superficiality spreads. Okay, maybe during our primary school years we don't mind making fools of ourselves, shooting vulgarities in public thinking we're cool. But get real, in Secondary 3 you ought to have grown up a little and quit doing shit like that. Or, doing ridiculous things like buying condoms, underwear as birthday presents. Seems like birthdays are treated as a joke, meant to be flaunted and every cheap joke squeezed out of instead of the deep friendship and joy you feel when friends say "happy birthday" to you, meaning every word and not saying it out of courtesy. You know, i truly felt remorse at not greeting happy birthday when it passed but seeing how you seem to be happy with ridiculous gifts, forget it.

Oh, yea, say "fuck" to every child in the library. Amazing role models, tells me what fun means to you, incredible manners your parents taught you.

Buying shirts and pants at your whim and fancy, whenever one catches you eye. Then asking your parents for money. K, sure you can say that i say this only because i am not used to that or my family ain't that rich as yours, but hey, I still speak truth, i don't throw tantrums because parents refused to get me newest ipod/mp3, puh-leese i don't even have a handphone and i still have 100% confidence i have a much more fulfilling life than 90% of teenagers out there.

We all have superficial moments, selfish moments, moments of jealousy and envy, superiority, and reading that retarded nanyang girl's blog, taking in all that superficialty, excessant splurging of time and money, i swear to make better use of my life from now on.

Oh, if you think i'm pointing at you, it means i speak truth.

One guy i have much more respect for is Xingyun. At secondary 1 and 2, he was a decent guy but through plenty moments of stupidity, managed to get himself despised by nygh. He tried to be a poser, tried too hard to fit in, but through his blogs i've seen him change, seen him realise life is not about girls and fun. He can start to see from his parent's view, i quite admired how resolutely he swore off dota, and saw through his resolution despite my temptations and probably other people's.

Superficial people of this world, kill yourself or change.

2006-08-09T07:49:00.000-07:00

Hey
Instead of putting myself down like what many people seem to like to do, either because they truly feel that way or they want to seem modest, but whichever way it is still quite pathetic, this post shall be dedicated to how great I am.

You can choose to brush it off, acknowledge it, but i don't care because you know I speak the truth anyway. People call me egoistic, some say i'm delusional, but at the end i have evidence that i am definitely not the lattar, perhaps the former. And, there is not tagboard for you to flame if you wish to btw.

Should I put it there? There seems to be no point actually, other than increasing the interactivity between me and the reader. Probably anyone who bloghops and stumbles upon this blog will keep coming back for more unless he/she is an utterly enlightened individual, is full of activity in his life such that there are no bored moments within it.

Actually i want this blog to be famous, to gain attention. I don't know, attention seems to be something good to be gained, especially positive one. I am no desperado-attention-seeko but it is simply a normal human instinct. I do wish it be famous and be voted best blog instead of xiaxue's which i know pretty much pales in comparison unless you count putting photos in as good.

Reconsidering, i think i had better put both my positive and negative sides. Uh, yea.

Okay, i shall have the format, positve one, negative one, positive two, negative two, you get it? You must be retarded if you don't, and i don't serve retards.(actually i serve no one but myself, and perhaps my best friends)

So here we go

Positive trait one: Athletic/Sporty

Well firstly i am decent if not above average at soccer if you take into consideration the time i play and the training i received until the past 2 months. I stand out in basketball if you put me into a crowd of people who hardly play basketball, even though i next to never play it. I am above average in running if you take into account the whole population, but am one of the slower ones in track. Also, i have above average stamina as well. My arms are average-weak strength though, i do not know why others can be much stronger when they do not do much arm-activity like me.

Negative trait one: Concentration/Focus

I think i have average concentration but i count it as negative because i want to have excellent concentration. Meaning i can do well consistently in competitions, focus at least 80% and clear my mind away from distraction. I heavily encounter this problem during high jump, and sometimes soccer where my mind goes into a blank.

Positive trait two: Great adaptiblity/Fast learning ability

Dota, CS, advanced wars, i got a decent proficiency in all of these games within a considerable short span of time. I am probably one of the best advanced wars player around, and i picked up dota and cs fairly quickly. Of course, i hardly play cs except for those rare lan occasions so i still suck at it. Overall i pretty much learn everything and anything quickly although that sometimes varies according to my interests...

Whenever im in a new situation or school or environment i can adapt quite well, make friends easily, can see which situations i am right or wrong and hence, appear to be an excellent guy which i truly am anyway. I think most people who know me in reallife like me? Those who really interact with me (same class) anyway. Oh, and dota requires good adaptibility yea.

Negative trait two: Closed emotions.. (for lack of a better word)

Although i can make friends pretty easily, i keep to myself if i have no need or no desire to open up. Eg if i am going out with my friends, i'd rather keep to myself during that period than try to know more about people by taking the initiative. Anyway, people have no right to complain unless they themselves take the initiative of which i would say "rofl pwwnch00" and shrug off. Oh, and ex-class outings...no i don't feel the need to open up to talk to girls even though i know they are too awed by my greatness to take the initiative.

I hold my emotions to myself quite a bit, eg during track and field when everyone is cheering, i would be standing up to show my support but not screaming out. I rmb during the ri-hci shield when gino scored the winning penalty, everyone in the hci soccer team dashed towards gino but i held back, then jogged slowly to them with a huge grin on my face. Oh, and i try my best not to appear pleased yea, instead i prefer looking unfriendly since that means people are less likely to try to bully me and people asking for donations would be deterred. BTW i think it works quite well.

Positive or Negative trait: Straightforward/Unfeeling

Hah, okay, i'm quite harsh to people who i think bitch and whine about unnecessary things. Or are ignorant and yet try to be knowledgeable and talk tonnes of crap. Also, incompetency pisses me off but if i see the guy is trying hard i do hold back and give him the support he needs. Being straightforward depends on the person you talk to really, most people are turned off by directly negative comments, but some managed to acknowledge it. The rest, of which is the majority, made up of girls btw, cry/pine/whine turn defensive, fail to see the holy truth in my words, cry/pine/whine/bitch.

I can easily beat around the bush and talk to a person nicely, help him nicely, but i choose not to because it fills me up with joy to get the person pissed at me when i am speaking truth that would help him. (BTW I TORE MY TOE SKIN I CAN SEE THE RED IN THE FLESH). And, it would be a waste of my time! Some people get offended really easily though, so its negative to some, positive to me.

Positive trait: Mature enough/Thinks a lot about life/ Able to emphatize/ Put self in other's shoes

I can do put myself into other's shoes extremely well, its a gift i guess but most of the time its not needed. Why? Because 90% of the time people are crying about unnecessary things, although there is a small portion where when i put myself in their shoes, i feel sympathy for them. Although i dare not claim i am super mature, i think i am mature enough, to the extend that i see past material comforts, can control my desires (such as jealousy and infatuation), reasonable.

I think a lot about life actually. I think more than 99% teenagers. Therefore i am hardly depressed, can give 99% correct judgements in love, family, or friendship. I think about what i would do if i ran across a bunch of people beating up another, i imagine myself alone with two girls throwing themselves at me, i think about what would happen if people close to me died. A lot, so from now on you should trust whatever judgement i have, but most people are too ignorant to believe in truth.

I can emphatize. I am sensitive to people's feelings. That doesn't mean i don't offend people rofl, because most of the people i offend deserve it. Some people get angry over small things, i can't help with that but in the end, i know how much hurt my words will inflict and can control myself.

Negative trait: Egoistic..?

The majority of people who use this word on me are...girls. I think because every guy wants to appear nice and comfy in front of them, and my straightforwardness surprises them. Hah, i don't have a small ego but not a very big one either. I can take criticism no problem, i do get some things wrong and i admit my mistakes if i did make any. But if you claim i had and i flamed back nastily, it means I have not made a mistake. I hate apologizing btw.

Positive trait: Attractive/Hot

I am probably going to get pooned or burned by a lot of real-life friends by mentioning this, BUT I HAVE FACTS TO BACK THIS UP! Besides the natural attraction that comes about with being an athelete, I think i have a pretty damn cute/hot face as well. Well, guys being guys have a different criteria of what's hot or not, but only the girls matter so 100% facts from that gender. Actually, there are a few guys who mention i have my face have unique features..but nevermind.

Due to the horrible stereotype and social environment, very few girls would go up and tell a guy he/she is hot. However, i do know for a fact that when i was primary 6, a girl one year younger liked me. An infatuation 100%, but 90% infatuations occur to a hot person only. I have also received various sources from people close to this girl in my secondary years that she liked me, its not 100% sure but its pretty damn close because i think blushing on sight and keeping quiet/nodding head when people ask "do you like him" should be consent.

Oh, and one very iffy source, during the ny carnival kaiye was talking to cheang and then he suddenly turned around and told me that cheang thought i was hot. Well, he said it quite loudly, i do not know for sure if it was true or false but cheang didn't seem to have any reaction that objected to his statement.

What must be taken into consideration is that, unlike many others i do not make too much an effort to make myself look good. That is, no expensive shoes, no superlow ankle socks, no pulling down of shorts till their at my knees, no tucking out of shirts, no expensive haircuts, no handphones, no mp3 players, often sleepy look. At most i do is make me hair presentable (which don't take much effort), make sure i do not have corny high socks which i think teachers would oppose to, do not have superhigh pants which is already ridiculous because i find it impossible to wear high pants rofl, they drop down to my waist.

So to any resident hottie rding the blog, try what i did and see how many people you attract k.

Negative trait: Super-cocky look

I put on this look especially when i'm around ny girls because most of them think they are too hot for you. What i do is i keep looking up and my chin is slightly tilted upwards, whenever i catch the eye of a person i would look away with somewhat of a smirk. I did this in the mirror and thought it was 100% qianbian cocky. Otherwise, i put it on because i know i am superior to most people around me in terms of nearly..everything? Except maybe studies which i am not too hot in heh. Thing is, i have never been made fun of on the street by other schools as compared to some of my fellow hci busmates...I think many people do not dare approach me because of this look which is pretty damn fine with me.

Positive trait: ability to stand up for myself/friends

This applies only in serious situations where i really think it is necessary. My queue gets cut by people who allow their friends to cut but that isn't very serious. And some other minor examples i can't think of right now. However, during the serious situations where i need to, i do. Eg i remember i was playing street soccer with my classmates who don't play regularly and hence, aren't very good. Some people from other consorts came down and deliberately kicked the ball at one of my mates, trying to passs it off as a pass (amazing pun). I went up and told him to stop it, and he did.

Oh btw, there was one incident where me fab mj and mj were playing soccer at the void deck with 2 malay teams. Once there was a pretty skillful malay who tried to dribble past me, got tackled and started getting extremely riled up and hitting me. His hits weren't very pain, i was quite confused actually so i got hit for..er nothing. He tried this flying kick which er, missed but anyways it was an uncomfortable moment. There was a period of time when they gained control and kept ramming the ball to our keeper, until it reached the skilfull guy, i rushed up and blocked his ram and looked him in the eye. he seemed to leave me alone after that.

Negative trait: Procrastination

Yea even the great one can't escape from this one. However, i have procrastinated less than before and will probably get better so yea ^^

Negative trait: Sloppy/Lazy

According to weiling myattire, the way i carry myself, my sleepiness all make me seem sloppy. I'd say fuxch00 , because thats due to me being lazy and errr k sloppy lor. BTW its a bonus to my hawtness. Oh, and no sense of punctuaity. Which is true, sometimes in the morning i can't be bothered to wake up and go "who cares i'll jus be late for an hour!" This is especially true in track and field because I CANT BE BOTHERED TO WAKE UP SO EARLY JUST TO JUMP, but i do like soccer and have always attended trainings on time

Negative trait: Being an asshole

OKay, i do make fun of people, i do taunt them. I offend, maybe humiliate. I can be an asshole at times. But i think i know where the line is drawn.

Conclusion: This is not a complete list but i had fun writing it and i am sure you would have had fun reading it as well. as you can see, i am an excellent guy with minor flaws, hence, all of you bow down to me. Alternatively, see if anything happens if you drop your handphone into the toilet bowl.

2006-08-07T05:34:00.000-07:00

This might be controversial.
This might offend christians.
This is a warning.
I'm going to tell you how i view God.

You see, the Bible, the church, are the socalled evidence of God's existence. Supposedly, if you do not believe in God, you will not end up in Heaven, even if you were the most virtuous of people. Since one has nothing to lose, why not choose to believe it?

God helps you in all aspects of your life, God loves you, when you are down and out, God will be there, a shining beacon of light to carry you on his back, out of the valleys of Satan, of darkness and corruption.

"I pray for God to give my strength"

God has strengthened me, made me stronger

I can feel the love God has for me

These are common phrases of a christian. I have an acquaintance who's blog i visited several years back, crying about her life, praying for God to give her strength. She says she realises how she has forgotten God, abandoned him, but now realises her fault. Often, the thread of hope that God is there for her is the few traces of optimism in her blog.

A few days back, i stumbled upon her blog again. The same sentences repeated throughout her blog, she thanked God for giving her strength, yet the number of difficulties she faced, the hardships and obstacles she claimed to face in her life did not lessen.

I tagged this-

"Don't you think its ironic that, judging from the blogs, a non-believer of God seems to have a much better life than a believer of God."

The non-believer, is of course me. God does not seem to have made HER stronger, she seems to remain...as she is.

I do not believe in God because I have not felt a clear presence of him. Christians cling on their faith, when in truth, faith is but...blind belief? Because your parents, your childhood has inclined you to God, therefore you believe him. Replace God with, let's say Racism. Because your parents, your childhood has inclined you to racism, therefore you believe in it.

Perhaps Christians have felt God's presence and hence believed in it. I haven't, and i would rather suffer than believe blindly.

Sometimes during competitions, i feel this urge to pray to someone, to hope that a higher being can bless me to victory. But i always held back. I want to do well, knowing i did well because of my own abilities, not because God blessed me. I would admire a person who takes charge of his own life, than pray for God to help him change it.

Much of my morals are on the same wavelength as that of God. To do good, not fall prey to greed, glutton, envy. Those sins are tempting but i believe in my ability to keep away, and as much as possible refrain myself. I have felt jealous of people, but i constantly hold mysel back, and try to erase the jealousy.

Tragically, i cannot be in Heaven, not because i do not adhere to his teachings, not because i do bad in this world, but solely because i do not believe in him.

If God really loves every human, if he is what christians portray him to be, he would accept me, because i make the effort to be a better person, i try to be true to my conscience and self, he would understand that i do not believe in him. Rather than being drawn in by words of preachers, one should believe in God because he himself has experienced God.

Yes, one could convince himself that the good things that happen around him are the work of God, the bad things because of the sins he created. I choose to believe the good in my life are a result of my good, the bad because of the mistakes i made. I would admire a God who rewards those who strive for themselves, than rely on him to pull them through life. I would admire a God who respects a person's personal thoughts and beliefs, looking at the character of the person than whether he is a believer of himself.

Some cynical quotes that speak truth

-A cult is a religion with no political power
-Is God so in need of an egoboost that he needs millions of people worshipping him?

Instead of the superficial "why should i belive in god?", i choose to address what i think of God. If he exists, he should be someone who comes to you aid when you are in desperate aid, not someone you pray for help, and expect him to run in to save you from everything without you lifting a finger.

I do remember there was an incident where i had not enough money to buy a 1-way mrt card. I turned back and somehow found myself looking into the eyes of a man. He seemed to read my mind and asked,"Do you have enough?". I took a dollar and thanked him, truly grateful and appreciative. He nodded, patted me on the shoulder and said

God bless you.

2006-08-05T21:51:00.000-07:00

People who don't know soccer should just shut the fuck up or play us.

2006-08-05T10:28:00.000-07:00

fuck yeah i got over my 7 year crush all of a sudden!

2006-08-05T06:31:00.000-07:00

So...a post on the soccer friendly against ri

I think from a player's pt of view, it's much harder to see who is performing well so i'll just describe the match from my point.

So the day started off with frisbee, which is one of those simple games which is super fun if you really play hard. Even though i threw a lot of throws that went off, i still rofled and blamed my teamates pwn!

Then, ihe test. The day before i actually stayed in the library for around halfhour to study the plate tectonics and i do think i might be able to scrape a pass. Chinese test was gay, halfway we had a fire drill.

Soz. The real excitement started after school. I wanted to eat lunch because i feared i would be out of energy like last training where i felt awful the wholegame, being supertired after making just one run and not being able to focus...I prayed to myself for adrenaline to carry me through.

At 2 we gathered to put the goals in place. I really think the whole soccer team has bonded as a true team, everyone was joking as we carried the goalposts to position. Previously everyone was asking if i was starting and as much as i wanted to say yes, i couldn't. The past training wincoln played in centermid and darryl was pushed to leftback and i didnt want to lie to myself or disappoint the rest if i ddint start.

We saw mr tok coming carrying what would be our jerseys. Everyone was quite excited and eventually i got number 3. Ramesh came and we had our teamtalk, and i was i starting as leftback. Was a confidence booster, and he went through the basics of what we were supposed to do.

bx was keeper
samuel, yaolei central defence
me leftback, fab rightback
wincoln, aran central mid
darryl leftwing, kaiye rightwing
strikers guangyue and gino

on the bench was yujie, xy, mj, gino, iype, zhenghao, tobias

we warmed up and saw the ri team. They weren't as big as fab described ._. , but we heard they had 2 geylang youth players and their nat under 16 defender wasn't playing.

the conditions of the match were...wow. we had a ref and 2 linesman, plenty of waterbottles by the side and quite a decent crowd of spectators. Hon was watching, that we knew and i didn't feel too shaky when they match started.

The firsthalf kicked off and we immediately put pressure on their half. The first time i got into play was a highball and i was going to control it with my feet when it went under instead. Swore in my heart and felt myself cursing, also heard the jeers of the ri spectators but luckily the ball went to samuel.

Wincoln got a decent longrange attempt, thats all i can remember

Second time i got into action, again an identical highball which i repeated the same mistake. But this time the consequences could have been much more disastrous. The ball fell near the penalty area and 2 ri players were going to get it with none of our players near them. I rushed back and knew i wouldn't reach it before the ri players so i instinctively slid and managed to knock the ball just before the ri player reached it. I thought it was going to be a corner but bingxiang managed to get it just before it went out and kept it in possession.

I breathed a sigh of relief. Both sides kept putting pressure on one another, we did better, but their geylang midfielder was causing havoc on the rightflank. We put pressure again, and suddenly this longball was launched to my flank and i was slightly caught out of position. I got back in front of him, waited for him to make his move, saw he hit the ball too far and quickly nipped in to cut it off for a corner.

From then on i did extremely well on the ground but pretty terrible in the air. Kept challenging for highballs without really aiming but the right winger could not get past me once. Everytime he would keep the ball under his control, i would wait for him to make his move, he'd push the ball to the corner which i either cut out or tackled.

So- i was getting quite tired but i still felt i could keep on going. Wincoln was a tremendous help and often dropped out to shield the defence, ramesh's tactics of compacting the midfield allowed us to win the ball plenty of times. We had a few chances that might have resulted in goals if guangyue put more effort into bursting but it was still quite a good firsthalf where we played better.

During halftime we were made to lie down and have our legs raised perpendicularly, probably to let the lactic acid spread or something. Drank lots of water, and then ramesh started the halftime talk. He mentioned guangyue not playing hard enough, aran as well, and took off darryl for zhenghao. Also, he said their goalkeeper wasn't good, and the only player who could make things happen was number 11, the geylang midfielder.

Secondhalf kicked off

I did better, again their rightwinger had no way to get past me. Fab and kaiye linked up well and sent in a lot of crosses which their geylang defender did well to keep out. However, there were plenty of shaky moments for ri, while we remained relatively calm except when the geylang midfielder wrecked the right wing.

Yaolei and Samuel were solid, yao lei rarely missed a header whereas samuel provided great cover and was pretty much unbeatable. I didnt want to run up too much because i knew i was afraid i would tire out and get caught out of position, so i simply tackled and passed.

From freekicks and corners, there were quite a few goalmouth scrambles, according to xy there was an open goal but the ball went through aran's legs. Plenty of halfchances came in for us, whereas RI's only threat came in the form of number 11 who made quite a few mazy runs. One time he got past kaiye, fabian, yaolei but samuel was unbeatable and stopped his run.

Then cramps set in. Wincoln and zheng were the first two victims, wincoln wanted to play on, but 5 minutes later his cramp set in again and he had to be taken off. Gino came in for zheng and iype for wincoln. near the end of the game, samuel was down with cramps but he managed to hold out till the end, and aran was subbed off for mj.

There was quite a chilling incident where this substitute ri striker broke through the defence and attempted a volley which bx managed to parry into the air and collect when it came down. But it was a very late offside which the referee was late to blow for.

And then, the number 11 tried his luck at my flank near the end, he made to cut into the penalty area, i shifted to block, he decided not to cut in and turned outside, i followed, then he pushed the ball in front and i felt him trying to retrieve it by running behind me but i shrugged him off and got to the ball first, pushed it towards the corner for a bit while turning so that i would face the ri goal and hastily cleared it.

In the end, the game settled to a 0-0 and the match had to be settled through penalties. Guangyue, kaiye, zhengao, samuel, gino went to take it.

ri player stepped up and scored. 0-1

some ri students went near the goal and flounced about, trying to interrupt/distract our penaltytakers. it looked bad on them, everyone knew.

samuel stepped up and hit the crossbar. 0-1

ri player stepped up, bx got a hand but he still scored. 0-2

zhenghao stepped up, smashed it towards the right goalpost. 1-2

ri player stepped up and scored. 1-3

Samuel told us to face back and relax. It didnt matter if we won or lost, we played better and that was all that mattered. I didnt see any of the other kicks

Kaiye stepped up. we heard the whistle, we heard the hci cheers. 2-3

ri player stepped up. we heard the whistle, we heard the hci cheers. 2-3

guangyue stepped up. we heard the whistle. we heard the hci cheers. 3-3

ri player stepped up. we heard the whistle. we heard the hci cheers. 3-3

gino stepped up. we heard the whistle. we heard the HCI CHEERS. PAnDEMOnIUM! (my n button is spoilt, the only way i type it is by copying and pasting)4-3

The whole team rushed up to hug gino, followed by the our supporters, councillors, friends. somehow i didnt rush up, i held back, then jogged towards them with a huge grin on my face. I hold back my emotions quite a bit haha, even during jubilant occasions. The feeling was incredible, that i had played a part in this piece of hwa chong history. Every HCI student was smiling widely, we hugged, shook hands with everyone we met. We proved our worth, we did ramesh and mr tok proud, we did the team proud, we did the school proud.

Simply, incredible.

2006-07-31T08:42:00.000-07:00

My best friends...
By chronological order

MuQuan- Took the same bus from primary 4-6, saw him everyday played a tonne of stupid games like "charge", laughed a lot with him. Currently he went to RI i think, inevitably we distance but i still regard him as 1 of my best friends.

Thomas- A guy one year younger than me, but i had a very close bond with him. Like with edwin, would play soccer from afterschool to 6+, and we sat on the same bus as well. He introduced me to advance wars, an amazing gba game and everytime i play it i would have memories of him...he went to ri, i tried addin his msn but to not much avail.

Edwin Thong- Hah. Extremely close to him in primary 6, we basically stuck together everyday. After class, ate, played soccer till he had to go or till 6+. In my class in primary 6 he was probably my best friend. Love him (:, tho he is stupid enuff to go to ri.

John Peter Ong- Sat beside him during p6 i think, also pretty friendly with him in primary 6 but it was during sec 1 and 2 that we really became great friends. Hmm, shared a lot of funnay moments together with thong in primary 6 too. Somehow, despite not having too many similar interests (he poon cs, don't know shit about soccer, me viceversa), we share pretty similar beliefs, moral values, integrity, and understand one another.

Wincoln- Started to know him through high jump but what really pulled us together was our love for soccer. During sec 1 and 2, while qihan was slogging his guts doing weights, me and wincoln were busy owning the street soccer court pooooooon. When he still went to high jump regularly, we always played soccer aft training before going to the poolside and treating each other at our whim and fancy. He probably owes me a hell lot of money more than i owe him but i don't care (:

Min Jian- Our first meeting was through an msn convo where i thot he was a girl (chanminjian ger name pls), and we were shouting vulgarities at one another. In sec 1 and 2 years, we got along extremely well, john was kind of reserved when i suggested doing stupid things while mj was willing to play stupid games with me. One stupid game was this Taichi-18dragonpalms thing where we surrounded ourselves with tables, then tried using "forceful" or "yielding" palms to cause the other to fall onto the table. Arena was the class for the win.

Also, for a time i shared some wonderful times with songyi, xingyun, and zhu hui. Zhu hui left us for England and the day before his departure felt extremely weird and sad. We really didn't want him to go, but he seems to be alright in Englannd now. Hopes he visits us somneday.

As for songyi, for a time we would go home on the same bus together, go to the same hairdresser, play on the same soccer team. We don't meet up that oftenn in sec 3, but i still remember the past 2 years.

Xingyun is more like er..haha used to take the same bus as me home then we would huddle on the staircase leading to my house and chat about all sorts of things. Most commonly cheang, haha. Somehow, this discontinued, but i still remember.

Of course, i have plennty of onther friends but i probably wouldn't give my life up for all those. For my best friends, i would. Have a good day.

2006-07-28T07:12:00.000-07:00

Reys received and controlled the pass from his captain, Xain. He felt two defenders dashing towards him and gritted his teeth. Throughout the game, those two had taunted and mocked him repeatedly, sending kicks and elbows into his body when the referee wasn't looking.

One of the defenders jumped in front of him, eyes trained hungrily onto the ankle of Reys. The heel of Reys lightly pushed the ball towards the defender but kept it well within his control. It was a taunt, daring the defender to come forward to tackle the ball away.

"Here Reys!" Xain called out urgently, coming from his right to give support. Reys took his heel off the ball and his ankle made to pass to the captain. The defender made a move to his right, preparing to cut the pass off.

With a burst of speed, Reys pushed the ball forward right at the moment the defender shifted his postion, catching him offguard. The second defender rushed to stop him, but a devious feint of the shoulder allowed Reys to push the ball forward a second time. Suddenly, he was in the opponent's penalty area unopposed.

The goalkeeper had already ran towards him, intending to cover the angle of his shot. A burst of glee ran inside Reys as he scanned the goal. All the taunts and hits he had to endure, he would now pay back. Then, his whole body was struck down and he fell screaming in pain.

An extremely agonizing pain had torn into his ankle. Blood soaked his socks and stained the grass red as Reys rolled around the ground in agony. The first defender he had dribbled past had slid in viciously, and now stood up with a sadistic smirk on his face.

That was the last time Xain saw Reys on the soccer field.
-

"Dude, that is so uncool, eating packed lunch in a fast food restaurant." Guanvard, the team's centerback remarked as Samuel, the other centerback took out his blue-coloured lunchbox. Xain and his soccer team had settled into a fast food restaurant after a gruelling session of training.

Samuel ignored Guanvard's comment and looked down and continued eating as the rest of the team placed his orders. He came from a poor family, and was used to the taunting and teasing already. Guanvard on the other hand, came from a considerably rich family and cared tremendously about his image. In fact, nearly all his clothing was branded and he always carried the latest handphone.

"Dude, seriously. Get out from this table if you're going to eat packed lunch, I don't want to look stupid man!" Guanvard continued. He felt the other people in the fast food restaurant smirking and smiling at his table and felt extremely bothered by it.

"Stop caring so much about your image and shut up Guanvard." Xain stepped in.

"Goddamnit, you're making all of us look stupid!"

"FINE!" Samuel burst out in fury, snarling at Guanvard. Fingers trembling in anger, Samuel slammed the lid of his lunchbox and hurled it into his bag before he stormed out of the fast food restaurant. This time, the commotion really did attract attention from the surrounding tables.

"What the fuck is wrong with you Guanvard!" Xain lashed out, closing his eyes in frustration. They had not yet been able to find a replacement for Reys, and here, Guanvard was making even more trouble.

"Wait a moment. Isn't that the bastard Rick Shane?" Zlatan, the centre midfielder of the team said. The defender who had broken Reys's ankle, Rick Shane, had just entered the fast food restaurant. Scanning the fast food restaurant for a seat, Rick Shane found himself looking into the eyes of the Helmwell soccer team captain, Xain.

POOOON storytime i shall try to continue the story everytime iblog k! Someone has to supply me with topics rofl i don't got too many ideas

2006-07-28T05:45:00.000-07:00

waow the kid got 25/30 for that amazing double standard compo. I win pleasho.

Do you want to see what i placed in the student led conference portfolio?

I can hear you all, calling and begging. No.

I'll come back later.

2006-07-16T07:02:00.000-07:00

Nothing interesting going on lately. Anyways, here's something i wrote as an expository compo for English...

Double standards between teachers and students

Everywhere in our lives, double standards are a common sight. Salespersons approach people who look more well-off than others, as this means there is a higher possiblity for the well-off person to buy merchandise in the shop. As a student, i have found that the most common and obvious standards are actually in the school compound. The difference in respect accorded to teachers and students, the consequences both face when they forget to bring a particular assignment, how canteen vendors prioritize teachers over students during canteen breaks are but just some examples of double standards in the school.

No one questions the validity of the double standards. As an adult, the teacher is often given the excuse that he or she is extremely busy with work and because she is so completely overwhelmed by the workload he/she has, the assignment he/she was supposed to bring to class was forgotten. When a student forgets to bring his assignment, depending on the leniency of the teacher, he/she is either heavily reprimanded or given an extension. Either ways, teachers are often excused for commiting the sin of "forgetfulness" on a much more regular basis than students.

Students are expected to rise up and greet the teacher when he/she enters the classroom. During school events, the menial labour of carrying chairs and tables are always done by students. Canteen vendors can be regularly seen serving teacher who "jump" the queue, ignoring the couple of students who had queued and waited much earlier. These are all examples of teachers being accorded more benefits and privileges than students, even though all they have been doing is simply to do their job of teaching. However, double standards although seemingly unfair, might be necessary in the school context.

Picture the scenario of a teacher entering the class. The act of having students stand up and greet the teachers actually contains 2 purposes; 1. Recognizing the presence of the teacher and therefore according him/her respect, 2. Putting the teacher in an elevated status, achieved by the singularity of solely having to stand up and greet the teacher as compared to when greeting a friend.

The first purposes serves to focus the student's attention, preparing them for the lecture or lesson ahead. Since the teacher actually already has the attention of the students right at the start of the lesson, he/she can therefore start the lesson with the assurance that, at the very least, he/she has the attention of the students at the beginning of the lesson. The second purpose emphasizes the superiority of the teachers over students, with the teacher in a more elevated status thus commanding more authority. This is crucial in maintaining the discipline of the class, ensuring that the student fears the authoritative figure sufficiently as to not cause trouble or mischief.

Without this double standard, the likely scenario that would occur would be that students pay little to no attention to the teacher, according he/she little respect. Lessons are often disrupted by mischevious, inattentive students, and pranks might even be committed against teachers. The class loses its discipline and order, their attention easily diverted and distracted, being unable to pay attention to the lessons. In the end, the grades of the students suffer and the teachers' ability to teach is questioned, his/her job jeopardized. Here, the validity of the double standards is unquestioned, and is a necessity.

Another example would be the double standard when commiting the sin of "forgetting". Teachers claim they are extremely busy, with heavy workloads and tight schedules. Or that they, having to teach several classes, forget about the particular progress of a particular class, hence commiting the sin of "forgetting". However, some teachers fail to realise that many a time, students themselves have extremely tight schedules, such as organising leadership events, intensive extra-curricular activities made compulsory by the school, more special programmes organised by the school which they have to attend regularly, plus year-long projects. All these culiminate into completely-packed school weeks, with the only resting periods being the weekends, and even this is sometimes compromised by other school-based events. In fact, this seemingly leaves no time for a student's self-exploration of life in his youth, since he is already too occupied with schoolwork.

The obvious purpose of this double standard is to ensure students hand up their work on time. However, quality of work is compromised for time, with students having to complete work from other subjects as well. In the end, the true purpose of assignments, meant to encourage students to revise and gain a better foundation, dissapears in exchange for quantity of work. Therefore, this double standard is unfair to the students and does not have a positive function to it.

The third example is of a canteen vendor allowing teachers to "jump" queues over earlier students. Firstly, this has absolutely no relation to the learning or teaching in the school. It is actually a result of the establishment that teachers are of a higher status than students. As adults and teachers, somehow their need for food as compared to students is more important and urgent. Granted, sometimes teachers need to rush off to a particular place or class, but does that not apply to students?

After school, students might need to rush off quickly for some other activities and choose to have a quick lunch first. Some teachers politely ask if the students are in a rush for time, before jumping the queue. Perhaps the student might not be in a rush for time, but what about the students behind him who are also queuing? To outright reject a teacher would be awkward for the student, and embarassing for the teacher. Not only does this act not serve any purpose in helping the teacher better teach her students, it serves as a bad example for the students, who might then try to take advantage of others themselves.

The double standards that exist in school occur in various levels. Some are useful, while others, disgraceful. Some are necessary, while others, unjustified. As much as a teacher's authority is crucial in helping him/her teach her lessons, he/she should be just as aware not to abuse that authority.

End. Next post will probably be on how the Oral Participation system sucks in our school, for certain subjects. For me, at least. (Most of what i learn in IHC is pretty much common sense and i see no need to reiterate points that are fucking obvious)

2006-07-04T08:07:00.000-07:00

Is blogging about your everydaylife boring?

Now that i've thought about it, not necessarily so. So why are some blogs such turn-offs?

Number1.It's because they either contain "emo" stuff. I find it quite disgusting for someone to spill and cry over small matters such as everyday quarrels with their parents. I find it quite boring to find out their new enemy each day, then see them posting insincere apologies online when in fact, there as nothing to be unhappy over with.

Do people give a shit about these superficial matters? No they don't. You often see teenagers complaining about how their parents suck and all. Whine,whine,whine. If you can't get what you want, either you are asking for too much or you can't efficiently get your message to your parents. Yeah, some parents are stricter than others, so, you're envious of other people's parents? I have plenty of classmates who have extremely strict parents and they go on life as per normal. Sometimes you see a hint of envy, but essentially, they absolutely do not whine to their friends about how bad their parents are. Everywhere i go i see people with handphones, honestly i do feel a tiny desire to get one too, but if i don't have it, be that way. It's not a big deal.

Or. you quarrel over some puny thing with your friend. It's okay, its interesting to pour out your feelings on why you feel your friend has let you down, especially if its justified. But puh-leese, cut out the subtle plead for sympathy, cut out the hidden daggers, cut out the "NONONO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS, YOU AWLAYS DO THINGS YOUR WAY" piece of crap which you could have avoided by telling her straight to the face.

Number 2.they go through the drones and bores of everyday life. fux you, you don't write about how you wake up, brush teeth, go to school in your school essays do you? Similarly, there's no need to tell us on how much fun you had with your friends in your "newest, new outing!", repeating how fun "playing lan voz!", repeating how fun "taking neoprints!" was, and then pasting a whole bunch of nonsensical pictures on the blog.

It's acceptable if you go straight to the point, talk about a fulfilling, interesting event. Not everydaycommon-things, kay! Oh, and if you want to talk about something "deep" or whatever, do it fully and not halfheartedly. Don't talk about how an incident about cat running over dogs was so heartless, then throw out a rheoteric (however u spell this!)question like "should we wake up!?" . Like OBVIOUSLY the answer is "no, only the blogger should wake upand close his blog". Superficial, fake, k->etcetc.etcetc.

Number3. speaking to friends in an ackutetone as if their blogs were an msn convo. Wow, i'm sure everyone reading your blog knows of your friend, the "spazzer, cheeko", or some random classmate of yours who you've decided to post a picture of you hugging her.

Here's a completely accurate example:

[picture of 2 fugly dogs]

"Luuk we're clownz l0l!"

End of example.

Anyways,Aran has a great way of making people feel good ):

He told me, after my training ended, that the coach had already selected 9 peoeple to start against the match against hcjc this saturday, and that i was one of the contenders for the remaining 2 spots.

Sounds good uh?

Only, when you think about it, contenders can mean everyone else in the soccer team excluding the 9. POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON

But i feeel happy anyway, i'm no longer privategohan, i'm sergeantgohan because i fianlly crossed 170. WOOOOOOHOOOOO!

2006-07-01T05:34:00.000-07:00

This is a common-everyday life post, but since there are 3 significant events today, i shall blog about it!

First, I had soccer training. I think i saw jiahui on the bus, but of course she didn't bother to say hi and i wasn't sure so nothing happened. Then, onto soccer, very tiring, drank huge amounts (i think at least 4 litres) of water and didn't feel like peeing at all because i was sweating like a fag.

So, i didn't know whether to go nyfunfair or not, because i was tired and i had no proper pants to wear, but eventually wore the bloody funny small pants anyways, since i was going to be bored at home. And Mark gave me a $5 coupon which i eventually lost, so i had more reason to go.

Anyways, the usual boredom, stand around look pretty pose set in. Then the other soccer people arrived and then they saw cheang! And me, who couldn't see very well couldn't see who cheang was and xingyun pushed me directly in front of her while i was pointing to her and she ran away.

Onwards, to the first event! Basically, i saw two people who's blogs i've flamed a bit (fine, i flamed cheang a lot more), cheang and vera. Vera pleaded with mj so badly to buy brownies, and her voice was fricking high and annoying. I wanted to say "hi i'm letalkid" but decided i was too cool for that! The other one is where i finally got a good look at cheang lolol (not the first time, during the third event. And then, twas funny, xingyun+zheng paid these group of people in charge of the podium to make an announcement and iype went up and said

"Hi, my name is Tay Zeng Hao (NO WAI!)and i'm here to dedicate a song for my friend, to Vera Shaw from class xxx. (mushy words which i forgot)"

Which led to many cheers, and later on, several sec 1/2 idiotic copycats dedicating even shitter mush-shit lines.

Which doesn't sound much but was extremely funny then ^_^

Second event! After being bored out of our minds, me and bx decided to go to buy some food. We couldn'tfind any proper, nice foodstalls so we were walking when we came across the ny carpark. So..we walked in and found a lift. the fux. NY has a freaking lift. obviously, since bx and me have never taken a lift before, we decided to take it! and went all the way to the 4th floor.

At the fourth floor, we saw the conference room, the boardroom, all the important rooms, as well as the computer labs and a few sec1 classrooms i think. FUNNNNNNNNNNN to explore, since we hardly get a chance to walk around ny freely. Then we saw the toilets and the girls door was wideopen while the guy's toilet was closed POOON. anyways, since the 4th floor seemed completely deserted with everyone at the 1st or 2nd floors, i shouted "ANYONE INSIDE!" and no one replied so me and bx peeked in booo itwas just normal, so whatever.

We checked out the male toilet...and it was just one single toilet seat+sink, like those disabled toilets. So, we were fiddling around, when bx found a secret compartment! It was where the cleaner kept all the spare toilet rolls and wehre the pipes connected, and then we saw light shining and behold! a very small, new path which led to a dead end after 2 metres! BX didn't dare so i snuggled past the pipes first and shifted to the open and i had a good view of everyone below me. FUUUUUUUUN PLZ

It was really quite exciting to walk into deserted places exploring places we've never been before. Then, we walked past the sec 1 classrooms and i was curious whether they locked it after we passed a few, so i opened the door and looked and omgwtf there were a few girls there. Like, we passed by so many classrooms and the first one i decided to open the door of contained people. With that, we SPRIIIIIIIINTED out of sight and continued our journey

Later on, we called kaisky and mj and a few others to explore the third story, and it was poooooon! At first, we simply explored a few more male toilets and found the same "new paths", then later on, we decided to explore the back of the hall and found the ny gymnasium. We only noticed the trampoline (which me and bx were the first to discover, yet again!) woooooo. And then i noticed some mini-whiteboard they had which they wrote messages on, and was horrified by this message which read

"Jia you! Come to HC gym sometime eh?"

And i was freaking disgusted and erased the thing off, replacing it with

"bingxiang was here"

Which bingxiang found freaking disgusting and erased off.

Anyways before we could have any bounce-trampoline fun, an ny girl came and pushed open the door to some room, which we later realised to be the gymnasium so we didn't dare to bounce on it POOOOON. Discoveries, discoveries.

Third event, me,bx,xingyun,gino,mj,kaiye were very bored anddecided to see if people were playing soccer, then we swept past a bunch of girls playing the nice swing. then we waited, and they left, then we went up! Me,mj,kaiye and bx sat on it whereas xy and gino went to sit on the benches watching us rock around the swing.

It's those kind of swings where there the seats are at both ends facing each other, then you sit and your legs are in the middle.

It was damn relaxing and enjoying sitting on the swing, as it ..swung...although i felt slightly sick after awhiile. then suddenly this cute, toddler called BALLACK rushed up, came from my back, held onto the poles of the swing and screamed "RAWR, YOU'RE GOING TO BE TRAPPED HERE FOR CENTURIES!" or something like that, but it was
really childish and cute. (K I FEEL SICK WRITING CUTE SO MANY TIMES)

Then, all of a sudden, a huge other bunch of toddles toddled to us, some of them getting on the swing, some pushing us back and forth, like we were surrounded by them, and ballack and his brother were trying to scare us (:! Then, they started to punch the back of our heads with their tiny fists, sometimes struggling and wincing to get on the swing, sometimes POOONING our heads, then we became a mass of screaming and laughter as we were overwhelmed by their childish innocence.

While ny throwers were stacking up benches.

Then a girl came and sat down, i think bx called out to sarah and i was wondering if it was cheang, then i turned and looked and then asked...and yea it was POOOON and i saw kaiye and cheang touching around and was even more confused andalso found out they are a couple.

So! A rather interesting day, where i met the persons behind the blogs i flamed, plus a chance to explore nygh, probably the last time i'll ever have the chance to, and having a great time with toddlers.

Fux this eventful day, tinker with guinsoo+boots of travel POOOOOOONS.

2006-06-25T06:54:00.000-07:00

Politics.

Mmm, yes, i'd like to talk about a form of politics today. Before i entered secondary school, i always though politics was...I didn't really know what it was, but i thought it was basically something of the form of "military, economy, socially", something along those lines.

Once i entered secondary school, i finally began to unravel what politics was about. And i have made the conclusion that

It is dirty, it is ugly, and it is filthy.

It seems to be a struggle for power, applied to the national context, a power struggle between the opposition and the government. Both sides resort to means in which they try to manipulate the public's opinion, offering false benefits, throwing out vague, sweeping statements such that they can retract the hinted meaning if they are unable to apply what they promise after being in the position of power.

We notice the sudden 'bonus packages" given out near the times of election. We notice the sudden new promises, new stands on controversial topics (read: bush says no homo marriages). They can twist what was intentionally good to be what was intentionally bad. Both sides try their hardest to put down their counterparts, throwing out every flaw, minor or major, serious or light to win the public's support.

But, i'm not really proficient in that area, so let's move on.

The real topic i want to talk about is forum politics. I frequent several online forums, and definitely notice "forum politics". It, however, differs. In spcnet.tv forum, there does not seem to be any hint of a power struggle. People accept their status, people talk about what they like, what they watch, their favourite actress and actor. People aren't overwhelmed or hungry for the power being a moderator gives, and as such, the commonly seen suck-ups are not seen.

There are still the "pew-pew" 1337, twit speakers, as well as the emos (SLIT MY WRISTS PLOXX), and people who are less proficient in terms of the englist language, but on spcnet.tv, no bother despises them. They may treat them with lesser respect as of other forumers, but nobody makes a move to criticize and humiliate/insult them.

I cannot say if they gradually change, but i suspect so. I mean, people are influenced by their surroundings, if they see everyone speaking with at proper grammar, their english will gradually improve. If they see the maturity within others, they too will be influenced. If they see nobody speaking twit like them, they will gradually drop it. I mean, the few reasons twitspeakers speak like that is because of influence or a desire to be special. If they see that nobody thinks of them as unique or special, they will stop their twitspeak.

I have no proof of that, but that's my gut feeling.

So, another forum i frequent is the Dota-Allstars forum. Moderators are assigned and scattered here and there, and there is this notion of a skill difference between "pubs" and "highlevel play", where the former has very little teamwork and is usually filled with newbs, while the latter mostly contains players who are superior in terms of skills and strategy.

With modship, there is power abuse. Moderators have the power to ban/warn users as well as close/move threads. At the same time, since they are moderators, it seems that they are immune to the rule of spam. They gradually start to have a tendency to insult or humiliate people as and when they like, often covering it up with a mix of humour and the notion that they are superior.

On the notion of superiority, we can outright see people who again, insult and dismiss pubbers using "higherlevel play" as a backup. They practice elitism and superiority, dismissing the arguments with people they deem inferior with "play inhouse","stop pubbing", and all sorts of other crap which do not help the person who they flame at all. The person does not learn anything or know what is wrong, but only knows he needs to "stop pubbing" or whatsoever.

What probably has never crossed their minds are that the majority are pubbers. Not everybody has the opportunity nor time to practice day and night and get into "Cal-Standard". Do they admit they are elitist? Proudly, they do. Why do they feel superior? Because they receive attention. This coincides with the Moderators, in the context of national politics, are the government workers, whereas the forum leaders are the prime minister, the president, the people with the real power.

Since they receive attention, they too are in a position of "power", since they have people supporting them. All of a sudden, their inferiors, the non-moderators, all seem to be suck-ups. They seem to be clamouring for attention!

For some reason, i can't really express the meaning i want now, so here's my signature of DotaAllstars

"We realise our own stupidity, how foolish we were in trying to gain attention, fame and the like. How self-centred and arrogant we were, clinging onto the tag of superiority and elite to oneself. Attention is but what everyone needs, attention is but what everyone strives for. To despise attention-seekers is to despise oneself, although, no doubt there are limits and boundaries to where this holds true.

To overly plead, beg, worship, harass for attention is past the boundaries. Maybe you are in a position of fame, of glory, a forum leader, a moderator famous to the few that reside in these forums. Maybe you are unaware of your own pangs and hunger for attention, your craving seems absence in the midst of all the suck-ups swarming to you. But the day you are stripped from it, the day where your eyes catches nobody, your speech is but a flimsy, blaring croak that serves to annoy. On that day will you finally realise your personal folly, perhaps even become the very people you once despised.

Superiority and elitism exists only as far as there are inferiors. To compare yourself to inferiors seems to be an insult by itself, yet the sole basis of superiority stems from it. To assume that the playing field is level, that opportunities are equal, that everyone is given a chance to reach the top is a pitiful fallacy. As one despises whom they call "pubbers", their speech reeks of smug elitism. Friends in high places can give them leeway, and thus their continuity in existence. Once the roles are reversed, one can imagine how the people might change, but the roles remain constant. The people representing factions Superiority and Inferiority can change, but the arrogance, the smug hint of a snigger remains the same."

Suck-ups are common in DotaAllstars because some humans wish to associate with people in power. I say "some" because, although i would rather have a friend in power than one who is not, I don't find it necessary to suck-up and go all out to do so. A moderator who often peppers his posts with humour is Piemonger. From thereon, some suck-ups include "wow, it must be fun being you pie!", "rofl, pie that was hilarious!" being the more obvious ones, and "i agree with pie" (when it is utterly unnecessary, for example a thread on how items are useless and contributing to the thread with opinions, and not "i agree with you pie" would be much more helpful), "listen to pie".

Seriously, do people need to know you agree with that person? Do people need you to repeat another person's points? No shit. They don't. Only conclusion i can draw out is >suck-ups.

From here, the moderators and "elitists" band together. They start a trend of despising pub-play. It seems necessary for one to constantly participate in "high level play" for their comments to deserver any respect, which is basically shit because as i've said, opportunities are not equal.

Within them, disagreements occur. Outside of their "superiorioty band", disagreements occur too. People stop respecting one another. Hate starts to seep within, people start disliking one another, their friends jump on the hate-wagon and therein comes the power struggle.

Actuallly, i am not a moderator, nor a member of TDA, the clan which dominates the forums. I cannot say for sure this is what happens, but that is the feeling i get.

Since i find my above post unsatisfactory, i shall now rampage mindlessly on other details of the forums.

Grammar Nazis- Seriously, do not expect everyone to have the same mastery of english. It's pathetic to attack people because of minor errors in spelling or otherwise. Sometimes, it gets too bad such that the post itself is incoherent, but i can safely say that 90% of the time when people start their grammar attacks, the victim has posted something that a normal human can easily decipher with ease. I find the grammar-nazi extremely pathetic.

One-line Dismisses- People in the "elitist" band often dismiss the arguments of others with cruel humiliation and mockery. They do not show any respect to others, so Fuck them.

K, i'm done.

2006-06-22T07:58:00.000-07:00

K, erm. This is my new blog. A rather lengthy insight to what i feel about all the other 99% of all blogs out in the world. Most blogs are crude, superficial, and most of all, boring. Yes, they might be created to entertain the circle of friends of the author. Yes, it is his or her blog, he/she has the right to decide what to put in. Does that change the fact that its a bore to read, sometimes even disgusting, most of the times making readers like me wish to flame (burn!) theh ell outta it?

Are we, the flamers, then wrong to do so? It isn't the fault of the blogger that what he or she writes doesn't appeal to the reader, but vice versa, its not the reader's fault if he finds it boring and devoid of entertainment. And thus, sometimes we find amusement in "flaming" whatever obvious insecurities and superficiality of the particular blog. Most of the time, these flames comments will not go unnoticed. They will not be ignored. They will be recognized, acknowledged, and the blogger will refute the flamer with

"dude, tis my blog. shoo plz ><"
"so what? this is MY BLOG, if you don't like it don't read it"

And er, all sorta othar shiat and transmutations of the above two.

And because the flamer is recognized, there is fun. We derive joy in annoying others, yes we do, especially people with retarded blogs. Of course, we cannot replicate the same thing in real-life. Often some say "flamers" are cowards. They rely on a somewhat pathetic excuse of "anonymous iz coward plozz!", which doesn't really make a difference, since an identity can be easily forged online.

I say some are cowards, some are intelligent. Cowards are generally people who change personas and their online identity often, sometimes creating multiple personas to support each one. Those are people who are unable to backup their arguments, flames, etc. They flame because they don't like the particular blogger, or are in a flame-crusade to support their friends. Basically, these are the ones bloggers do not have to worry about.

The "intelligent" ones are the ones to be feared. They can point out the minute flaws and hypocrisy that is often bound to spill out of most bloggers. If the blogger is of decent intellectual level, he or she is then able to compete with the flamer. Often the blogger is under considerable stress as it is his/her own blog that the battle is fought, and every step of his/her could reveal the flaws within his/her character. The flamer on the other hand, can sit back, enjoy, relax, and use this as an opportunity to work his brains. Their purpose is to derive joy and amusement, not to outright disgrace or flame aimlessly like the cowards do.

Of course, flaming can only go so far as over the internet. To try to humiliate, insult, and disgrace a person in real-life is far too much. Over the internet, shields and barriers can be set up, ignorance is a great defense mechanism. In real-life, we do not know of the particular person's character, traits, strengths or weaknesses, and thus we refrain from flaming. On the other hand, a blog...is just that. Its true form is obvious, the content is exactly what it is, and thus, it is easy to attack the blog. Of course, through attacking the blog, you somewhat attack the blogger which makes him/her offended, but this is the difference between real-life/ internet flaming.

Either ways, hopefully i can entertain instead of bore my readers, and make this an example of how an entertaining blog should be, instead of "Asia's best blogger, "learntoputpicturesandwin" Xiaxue." Learn to play, learn to kid.

Regards,
Letalkid